Completely Intentional Wrath of the Fangirls
by shiroamaya
Summary: Sequel to Unintentional Wrath of the Fangirls! What the hell is with all the long names? Our two favorite crazy, insane fangirls provide even more laughs and other questionable content! How? Well, you'll just have to read to find out!
1. We're Baaaaaack!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Hello our glorious readers! We missed you so much! But with me getting sick all the time...

Amaya: And me getting ready to move, and dealing with school, we kiiiiinda forgot that we promised a sequel. …oops.

Shiro: That is, until we looked at the Edward plushie again!

Amaya: Poor little bastard has been in my car for a month.

Shiro: I dunno if he has heat stroke, cold stroke or both!

Amaya: Cold stroke?

Shiro: …...Yep!

Amaya: Whaaaaatever. Anyway, we're back bitches! We hope you enjoy this new installment of fangirl craziness!

Disclaimer: We do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Shiro: If we did, I'd be raping Scar...a lot.

**Chapter 1**

Finally, after much preparation (a/n Shiro: AKA, bringing lots of snacks! Amaya: *pocky nom*), the two fangirls finally managed to get the portal open with the help of the Fuhrer's notebook. They were not even sure if they could accomplish such a thing in their world at first, but now they were ready.

"Okay, are we READEEYYYYYY?!" Shiro shouted with much vigor as she already started to charge toward the portal.

Amaya grabbed the back of Shiro's shirt, nearly choking her in mid-run. "We need to double check to make sure we have everything first," she said in exasperation.

"Fiiiiine, if you wanna be all...safe and shit," Shiro groaned.

"Okay, let's go down the checklist," Amaya said as she pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. "Maps?"

"Che- ...oh wait, left them on the printer," Shiro said.

Amaya facepalmed. "Aaand this is why we have a checklist!"

"Damare," Shiro mumbled. "Anyway, check!"

"Snacks?"

"Check."

"Clothes?"

"Check."

"Girl necessities?"

"Check."

"Edward plushie?"

"SQUEEEEE! ...uh, I mean check please!"

"We're going to another world, not a restaurant," Amaya said. "Flashlight?"

"Check."

"Other dangerous things that you really shouldn't be handling?"

"Hehehe, check!" Shiro said as she pulled out an arsenal of knives, daggers, and lighters. "And I have gasoline in my bag too, in case I need to light someone on fire. ...I mean some_thing_. Ehehehehe...DIE PALM TREE!"

"Ooooookay. So I guess we're good to go!" Amaya confirmed.

"I also have my voodoo book!" Shiro blurted. "Just in case."

"Good to know," Amaya said with a sigh. "Are we rea-!"

"MUSTANG RAAAAAAAAPE!" Shiro shouted as she charged through the portal, obviously paying no heed to Amaya.

The slightly more sane fangirl sweatdropped. "Goddamnit." She adjusted her pack and walked through the portal.

~~~~~~~~~~In Central~~~~~~~~~~

"Back so soon, Fullmetal?" Roy Mustang asked with a condescending tone.

"Shut up, Mustang!" Edward snapped. "You don't know the hell I've been through!"

"Do tell, shrimp," Roy provoked.

"You'll never believe what happened, Colonel!" Alphonse intervened before his brother could blow his top. "It was so...weird."

"There were these two girls, and..." Edward proceeded to explain in detail what had happened earlier that day. He left out the part where he hugged the two fangirls in gratitude at the end.

Mustang seemed to recognize Edward's expression though. He turned to Alphonse. "Is that the full story, Al?" he asked with a mischievous smile.

"YES, THAT'S THE WHOLE STORY!" Edward shouted, slightly red-faced.

Roy chuckled. "Oh, so it isn't."

"Colonel, stop tormenting Fullmetal," Hawkeye sighed. Though she inwardly admitted that this was all very entertaining to watch.

"What?" Roy said innocently. "I'm just trying to get the whole story." His explanation was not very convincing, considering the fact that he had a large ass smirk on his face.

"That is the whole story damnit!" Edward shouted, still blushing all the way.

Fullmetal at the Colonel continued to bicker for several more hours, with Alphonse and Hawkeye standing by in exasperation.

A few miles away, however, something strange was transpiring...

~~~~~~~~~~Back at the portal~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro and Amaya found themselves inside of a large, empty warehouse.

"Where are we?" Amaya wondered aloud.

"I didn't do it!" Shiro exclaimed.

"Gee, no shit," Amaya said. Her eye suddenly caught sight of a circle surrounded by dozens of intricately drawn symbols. "A transmutation circle!" she cried. (a/n Amaya: By the way, the warehouse is where Ed and Alphonse transmuted into our world. We forgot to mention it. Whoops.)

Shiro gasped and yelled, "IT'S AN EDWARD CLUE! THIS WILL LEAD US TO EDWARD! JUST LIKE BLUE'S CLUES!"

"Shiro, quiet!" Amaya snapped. "There could be a murderer like Barry the Chopper around here!"

"Whoa dude...that's deep," Shiro said dazedly.

"How is that deep?"

"No, I'm just talking about this ginormous box," Shiro said, pointing at a large box. She gasped. "Something just moved!"

Amaya freaked out. "WHAT? WHAT?!"

"Oh nevermind, it was just a shadow," Shiro said dismissively as she hopped down the mountain of boxes.

Amaya grabbed the smallest box she saw and chucked it at Shiro's head.

"What was that for?" Shiro whined like a child.

"Nothing," Amaya grumbled. She grabbed Shiro and dragged her out of the warehouse. "Let's just get going."

When the fangirls were about a block away from the warehouse, a sudden realization hit Shiro. "But wait...if there was no light in that box, how was there a shadow?"

Amaya stopped in her tracks and paled. "Shiro, I think you're imagining things," Amaya said, trying to convince herself more than Shiro. "Let's just keep moving, shall we?"

"...Okay!" Shiro said cheerfully.

The two fangirls continued down the road, unaware of the journey that lay before them.

Or behind them for that matter.

~~~~~~~~~~Back at the warehouse~~~~~~~~~~

Three dark figures stood side by side in the entrance of the warehouse. One lean, one fat, and one curvy as fuck. (a/n Shiro: Seriously, how does she not have back pain?)

"Who the hell were those two?" Envy asked in his strange gravelly voice.

"Can I eat them, Lust?" Gluttony drooled eagerly.

"No, not yet," Lust said calmly. "They intrigue me. I'm more interested in _why_ they're here than who they are."

Envy tsked as he stared out into the empty street. "Who gives a damn who they are or why they're here?" He stopped, staring into space confusedly. "What I want to know is, what the hell is Blue's Clues?"

~~~~~~~~~~Back in Central...again!~~~~~~~~~~

Edward, Alphonse, Mustang and Hawkeye all sat in various places around the Colonel's office with relativity untouched cups of coffee in their hands. The argument had finally died down and the room was quiet...for once.

It was Roy who broke the silence once more. "I have to admit, Fullmetal," he started. "As farfetched as it was, that was still a hell of a story."

"So you don't believe us," Edward grumbled into his coffee cup. He let out a deep sigh, "Well, whatever. As long as I never have to deal with those crazy chicks ever agai-"

_BAM_!

"MUSTANG RAAAAAAAAAPE!"

Edward blanched and dropped his coffee. "Oh...crap."

Alphonse jumped out of his seat in alarm. "Brother, they're here! But how?!" He turned to look at Edward, but found that he was no longer next to him. "...Brother?" Alphonse glanced up and saw his brother clinging to the top of the bookshelf.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Edward yelled, his voice was a concoction of fear and anger.

"The purple spotted tiger rolled itself into a ball and rolled down the sky but his mouth was open so it caught a dragonfly that was black and red and there was a lot of choking. Sadly the dragonfly was poisonous so the tiger couldn't pass go and collect its two hundred fairy shits."

The room was silent for a moment, starting oddly at the short fangirl.

"What she means is," Amaya began to explain calmly as she pulled the notebook from her pack. "We found your book and transmuted here." Then, in the blink of an eye, all of the taller fangirl's sanity melted away as she locked eyes with Edward. "Now, where were we? Oh right, EDWAAAAAAAARD!"

"COLONEL DIPSHIT!" Shiro screamed as she rushed towards Roy.

Edward started to laugh at the very appropriate nickname Shiro had shouted at the Colonel. That is, until he saw Amaya rapidly scaling the bookshelf. "AHHH!" He shouted in alarm.

The tiny alchemist tried to scramble away, but Amaya caught hold of him in the likeness of a cat catching a wounded mouse. "Gotcha!" she growled eccentrically.

"LET GO!" Edward shouted. He was trying to sound intimidating, but he sounded more like he was scared for his life. (a/n Shiro: Or his virginity.)

Meanwhile, Shiro leaped over the Colonel's desk and tackled Mustang to the floor. "RAAAAAAAAAAAPE!" She shouted again.

"OKAY FULLMETAL I BELIEVE YOU!" Roy shouted, his voice cracking with panic. "SOMEONE GET HER OFF ME!"

"AL HEEELP!" Edward shouted and reached for his brother as Amaya dragged him off the bookshelf.

_Click_.

The room went silent as everyone turned towards the sound.

Shiro turned to see Hawkeye pointing a gun in her face.

With an eerie calmness, Hawkeye said, "I hope you understand, but I cannot let you harm the Colonel."

"Oooh shiny," Shiro stared cross-eyed into the gun barrel. She stuck her finger into the barrel and exclaimed, "I can feel the bullet!"

Everyone, even the crazed Amaya, sweatdropped.

At that moment, Hughes walked in with his usual oblivious cheerfulness ringing in his voice. "Colonel! I've got some new pictures of my beautiful daughter I want to show you!" He stopped in his tracks as he surveyed the odd scene before him. "Am I interrupting something?" he said suggestively.

With the hand that didn't have the finger stuck in the barrel, Shiro waved ecstatically and screamed, "HI HUUUUUGHES!"

Amaya was so engrossed with the sight of Hughes that Edward managed to wriggle away from her. "Fuck, he's married. Must not glomp, must not glomp..." she chanted.

"It's okay Amaya, you can glomp him!" Shiro exclaimed. "Just don't rape him afterward. After all, his name practically has the word 'hug' in it!"

"Good point...YAAAAAAY!" Amaya sprang forward and pounced on the Lieutenant Colonel.

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: That was awesome!

Amaya: And a hell of a lot of fun to write! I just hope it's equally as fun to read.

Shiro: So much brainpower! ...That I don't have.

Amaya: We know, Shiro.

Shiro: My mommy says I'm special! *sniff sniff* ...actually, my mommy was a prostitute.

Amaya: Is that really something you wanna tell people on the internet?

Shiro: Nah, I'm pretty sure everyone already knows. My mom really gets around.

Amaya: Aaaanyways, it may be a while before we get the next chapter out. There's been a lot going on in both of our lives lately and we just can't be sure. But until next time, we hope you likey!


	2. Hughes Is Broken

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Brain...? Where you go...? ON VACATION!? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE TIRED!? I know school is tiring, but that is no excuse! Whatever. Anyways, We're back in action... sort of... =_=;

Amaya: Yea, we're having a little trouble concentrating at the moment. But damnit, we're going to finish this thing! *determined as fuck face* After all, we can't let our readers down, can we Shiro?

Shiro: Well... We can, but I don't wanna. I don't wanna do a lot of things actually... Like homework! Good thing I'm a senior or I would be dead right now... Anyways, We won't let you down. No matter how long it takes me to get my brain to work.

Amaya: Riiiiight. Anyway, we hope you enjoy! Try not to laugh so hard that you rupture your spleen or something...we don't want to be sued.

_Disclaimer: We do not own Fullmetal Alchemist!_

Chapter 2

Amaya and Shiro docilely sipped their tea with their pinkies raised in the air. "It's so nice to meet you all," Shiro said delightfully.

Everyone stared in bewilderment at the now calm psychotic duo. "Why are you both so calm all of a sudden?" Hughes asked.

"Well we're drinking tea, obviously," Shiro explained.

"When we drink tea, we can't help but feel fancy," Amaya chimed in with a sophisticated tone.

"Yes, and then we become all phosisticated and shit," Shiro said.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Forgive us for our behavior earlier," Amaya said. "We tend to get a liiiiittle excited."

Edward suddenly jumped up from his seat. "A LITTLE?!" he shouted.

"Yes we do, we do get a little excited," Shiro said. "As little as Edward."

Anger rose from within Edward, but then a wave of exhaustion washed over him. All of his energy was suddenly drained from all the "excitement" of the day. "Ah forget it," he groaned as he slumped back into his seat.

Shiro's eyes bulged from her skull in extreme surprise. "Amaya...Amaya...AMAYA! THE FUCK AMAYA, THE WORLD IS ENDING. WE'S GONNA ASPLODE!"

"Da fuck are you talking about?" Amaya said, all of the classiness gone from her voice.

"Edward didn't get angry!" Shiro exclaimed. "We alls gonna die!"

Amaya paused for a moment in thought. "You've got a point there...OH SHIT!"

"But he's like so miniscule! I mean like a fairy's turd would be considered a mountain compared to him! And he's not getting angry! I'm terrified, we's all gonna die!"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP?!" Edward finally snapped.

"There he is!" Shiro exclaimed happily.

Amaya breathed a sigh of relief. "All is well with the world once more," she declared.

A ginormous pulsating vein ticked in Edward's forehead. With a thunderous shout, Edward flipped the table, sending everything crashing to the floor.

Shiro's eyes glistened with golf ball sized tears. (a/n Shiro: Like in the Ghibli movies!) "You spilled our tea."

Without the need to feel classy, the psychotic part of their brains was unleashed once more.

Then...All...Hell...Broke...Loose.

Edward looked as if his spirit had left his body. And as he began to slump to the floor, he mumbled, "What have I done?"

And then...

"EDWARD RAAAAAAAPE!"

Glomp of doom.

~~~~~~~~~~With the Homonculi~~~~~~~~~~

Three of the seven deadly sins stood before the one that they call Father. They had come to report their "findings" to him.

"Father, I believe we may have happened upon some new toys," Lust said coyly. (a/n Shiro: Ehehehehe...toys)

"How so?" Father replied stoically.

"Two delicious looking humans came through a portal," Gluttonly explained excitedly. "But Lust said I could not eat them," he said, suddenly crestfallen.

"I still don't get what Blue's Clues is," Envy growled. "But more importantly, who the hell are those two?"

A lingering pause hung through the air. The homonculi knew that Father already had an answer, but was tormenting them with silence. Finally, he replied "They are unimportant. But if they interfere, kill them. Simple as that," he said with a slight menacing smile.

Lust had a slow smile spread across her face like a human woman eating chocolate.

Envy grinned maniacally.

Gluttony drooled. "Does this mean I can eat them?!"

~~~~~~~~~~Back in Central~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone stood on one side of a one-way mirror, keeping an eye on the now calm (a/n Amaya: again!) fangirls of doom.

"So what are we supposed to do with them?" Roy asked, breaking the silence.

"Well I think they're simply adorable!" Hughes exclaimed with the usual expression he had for his daughter. "Maybe we can find them some work around the base!"

"And watch the building go up in smoke within an hour," Roy mumbled into his coffee cup, averting his eyes from his companions.

"But Lieutenant Colonel Hughes," Hawkeye intervened. "One of them attacked you!"

Hughes smiled goofily and waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, she was just trying to be friendly! All I got was a hug, no broken bones or bruises or anything!"

Everybody sweatdropped.

A loud crash was heard in the other room.

Everyone immediately snapped back into attention, and faced the mirror.

There Shiro was, holding a single book, with the bookcase behind her completely obliterated.

At this point, Roy came to a conclusion. "We need to get back in there before they destroy my office."

Everyone nodded urgently in agreement.

But on the way to the door, they heard even more loud crashes. When they at last opened the door, they found that EVERYTHING in Mustang's office was destroyed, save for the couch which the girls sat upon.

Shiro at last looked up to survey the destruction that she just now noticed. She looked at the group at the door, and said in all seriousness with her eyebrows raised, "I know how this looks...but I didn't do it!"

Amaya shrugged nonchalantly. "I didn't either. Shiro just has destructive tendencies...even when she's not doing anything."

Everyone looked on at the destruction in horror. Except for Mustang, who had his poker face on. Very slowly, he turned towards Edward and said through clenched teeth, "They're going with _you_, Fullmetal."

The two fangirls slowly turned their heads, creepiness abundant in their wide smiles. "We get to travel with Edward?" Shiro asked eerily.

Roy smiled at them, teeth still gritted in malevolence and anger. "That's right."

The two makers of chaos jumped up and squealed in unbridled joy. As they began to dance in celebration, the couch crumbled behind them, blending in with the rest of the rubble around the room.

Edward fell to his knees and stared wide-eyed at the floor, seeming to hear nothing but the sound of his own terrified heartbeat. "Excuse me for a second," he said, on the brink of tears. He crawled out of Mustang's office and shut the door behind him. Within a few seconds, everyone heard, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!"

"What's he so upset about?" Hughes asked in genuine confusion. "He should feel so lucky!"

"You're kidding right?" Roy said blankly.

"No, why would I be?" Hughes replied. With a smile, he then asked "What do you think of all this, Al?" When there was no reply, Hughes glanced around the ruined office. "Al?"

At last he spotted Alphonse slumped and whimpering in the corner.

Shiro's joyful scream rang out all across Central. "WIR SIND AUF EIN ABENTEUER GEHEN!"

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip!~~~~~~~~~~

Roy, Hughes, and Hawkeye all stood at the window of Mustang's office watching Ed and Al leave with the two crazed gi-...things.

Hughes pouted as the fangirls waved back at them sporadically. "Aww, I thought they were gonna stay."

Roy gave Hughes the death glare. "Hawkeye," he said firmly. "Get someone to fix my office."

"Right away, sir," Hawkeye saluted in her calm, badass-y way, and walked out of the room.

"Hmmm, I know there was a reason I came in here earlier," Hughes pondered. "Oh yea! Mustang I forgot to show you the new pictures of my daughter, isn't she just a cutie?!" Hughes gushed as he pulled the pictures from his coat pocket.

Mustang sighed as Hughes continued babbling. He looked out into the distance at the diminishing group and gave a small smile. _Well, at least I'm not Fullmetal. _

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Can I type upside down? Apparently I can...the fuck?

Amaya: Indeed. So anyway, we've noticed that we write in a lot of sweatdrops. But clearly, for this kind of fucked up story, it's completely justified. Also, I think I'll mention that this chapter took nearly twice as long to write because of a fuck load of distractions.

Shiro: Yup! Mainly my brain... With its not wanting to think and shit...=-=

Amaya: Anyways, as always, thanks for reading! We love all of our readers and reviewers! ...Well, except for that one guy who gave us a very detailed description of how to give a good blowjob. That shit was creepy. The fuck man? The fuck.

Shiro: Yeah. That was straight up nasty! What the fuck had to twist and snap in your brain to shrivel up and die for you to think anyone would want to read any of that shit. Disgusting. Please note we have reported you for abusing the review button. By practically raping our FUCKING MINDS!

Amaya: Uhhh yea, what she said. Anyway, to the rest of you who are not totally fucked in the head, thank you! And keep an eye out for the next chapter! Bye!


	3. LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: WE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVES! LING!

Amaya: Yes Shiro, we know. I suppose you all can guess who shows up in this chapter then.

Shiro: I give you hint: LIIIIIIIIING!

Amaya: That's not a hint! But anyway, here's a nice long-ass chapter for you all since it has been so long since the last one!

Shiro: LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

Amaya: Is that all you're gonna do?

Shiro: Yep, pretty much. ...Also, Ling.

Amaya: Son of a bitch. Well then, we hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: We do not own- Shiro LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! -...FMA. Yea. Shiro: I own Ling in my dreams...oh yea, but you don't want to know about that.

Chapter 3

It had been 10 minutes since their train had departed for Rush Valley, and Shiro _still_ hadn't stopped babbling.

"Ohmygoshthisismyfirstrainridedidyouknowthisismyfi rsttrainride?IamsoexcitedIgettogoonanadventure!Ilo vebeinghereI'msohappy!OHMYGOSHITSMYFIRSTTRAINRIDE! YAAAAAA-"

There was a sudden silence that spread all across the train cart, and everyone stared to be sure the crazy girl...thing hadn't died from happiness. To Edward's despair in particular, she was only asleep.

Still, the tiny alchemist let out a groan of relief. "Finally, I'm exhausted after listening to that for so long."

Amaya shrugged, seeming to be unphased by her friend's continuous chattering. "It really hasn't been that long."

Edward glared up at her. "Yes. It. Has."

"If you think that's bad, you should hear her talk about Ling," Amaya said.

"Who's Ling?" Alphonse asked.

Amaya suddenly became more alert of her mistake. _What should I say?_ She wondered. _Shout, "Spoilers!"? _"Uhhhh, n-no one," she stammered. "Just someone we knew from back home."

"Whatever," Edward mumbled as he stared out the window. His eyes were already half closed, and within moments he was fast asleep as well.

Alphonse looked from his slumbering brother to the remaining fangirl across from him. He flinched when she smiled at him. _Brother, don't leave me here alone, _he thought fearfully.

"Well Al, looks like it's just you and me," Amaya said, visibly relaxing in her seat.

"Aren't you tired yet?" Al asked nervously.

With a shrug, Amaya replied, "A-nope. Shiro always falls asleep way before me."

Now it was Al's turn to relax. He didn't know what it was, but it seemed like all the crazy had been sucked right out of the taller fangirl. Perhaps it was taking a rest along with her eccentric friend. "Brother always falls asleep pretty fast too," Al replied after a brief pause. "He tries to stay up with me sometimes, but I know he needs his rest."

"It must get lonely," Amaya said somberly.

"Yea," the younger Elric brother admitted.

"I would know a thing or two about that," Amaya said. "Before I met Shiro, I really didn't have any friends at all. I sort of convinced myself that I didn't need anyone, but I was really just trying to make myself feel better."

Alphonse paused for another moment, thinking of what he could say. "Well," he began. "You must feel lucky to have Shiro around now, right?"

Amaya smiled again. "Yea, she's a good friend. A complete basket case, but a good friend."

For the next few hours, as the sun set and the moon rose, Amaya and Alphonse talked about their lives, and how much things had changed for the both of them in the last few years. It wasn't until the very darkest part of the night that Amaya finally started to yawn. The conversation faded out then as she began to nod off.

Amaya looked fondly at Al, wordlessly thanking him for listening so intently all night long. Then she glanced at Edward, still sound asleep with the silvery-blue moonlight hitting his handsome face.

"Your brother is fucking adorable when he's sleeping," Amaya muttered.

"What?!" Alphonse exclaimed.

But Amaya had at last fallen asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~In da morning~~~~~~~~~~

"We will be arriving at Rush Valley shortly," the conductor announced.

Edward yawned as he awoke, looking suspiciously at the two girls who still slept. His stare lingered particularly on Amaya, who had still seemed wide awake last night. "So, how was your night Al?" He asked, expecting some sort of crazy explanation.

"Brother, you won't believe this," Al began. "But she's not as insane as you'd think."

Edward looked at him suspiciously. "You're joking right?"

"We actually talked for hours after you fell asleep, she seems nice," he explained calmly.

Edward's face distorted in confusion, but then he laughed. "Right, and Mustang isn't a total smartass."

Al shook his head. His brother could be so stubborn sometimes.

At last, the train screeched to a stop. "Now unloading for Rush Valley."

Amaya awoke as the train jerked to a halt, still seeming fairly groggy. She reached over and shook Shiro awake, "Shiro get up, we're here," she grumbled tiredly.

Shiro's eyes slowly opened. And then she snapped to sudden clarity with comical tears flowing down her face. "Amayaaaaaa, I had the weirdest dream everrrrrr."

Clearly still half asleep, Amaya asked irritably. "What is it, Shiro?"

"A icky goo monster said he was gonna eat me. B-but I tolds him I didn't has any crumpets! A-and he said 'It's okay, I has coffee!' And I tolds him 'But I already have caffeine in me, so you asplode!' And he says 'Okay, well I drinks soda.' And then I said 'But soda's has caffeine too!' And-and-and the monster got angries. And-and he tried to eats me. A-and he went NOM NOM NOM NOM! And theeeen Colonel Mustang face person just popped up, but every time he tried to talk he farteded."

Despite his attitude towards the crazy, Edward began snickering as the mental image of the Colonel popped into his head.

"That's nice Shiro," Amaya replied with a yawn. "Now let's get the fuck off this train."

Shiro slumped and opened her mouth as if she were about to whine, but then she simply perked up and said, "Okay!"

~~~~~~~~~~~In Rush Valley~~~~~~~~~~

The group spent the better part of the morning looking around at all the automail shops. Edward and Al walked in front while Shiro and Amaya trailed behind them, talking amongst themselves.

"Do you dare me to say it?" Amaya whispered to Shiro with a grin.

"Yea! Doitdoitdoitdoitdoditdoit!" Shiro provoked.

Amaya looked at the back of Edward's head and opened her mouth to speak. But she simply snickered and turned back to Shiro. "I can't!"

"Come ooooooooon! Do eeeeeet!"

"Fine," Amaya agreed. She took a deep breath and called out, "Nice ass!"

They saw Edward tense up in front of them, his ears rapidly turning red.

The two girls erupted into a fit of giggles.

Edward's long red coat hung lazily over his shoulder, but now he swung it over his head and hid his glowing red face.

"Isn't it a little hot for a coat?" A random passerby casually asked.

"No it's not!" Edward shouted, his voice cracking slightly.

"Edward?"

The familiar voice made him tense up even more. He tried to walk past, but an obnoxiously loud voice called out. "HIIIIIII WINRRRRRRRRRRY!"

Edward pulled his coat farther over his head. _Why me? _

When suddenly..._WRENCH TO THE FAAAACE_.

"Hey!" Winry called out angrily. "I was talking to you!"

Comical tears flowed down Edward's face. _This day officially cannot get any worse._ (a/n Both: 

Ohhhh yes it caaaaan~! =^-^=)

Winry's attention suddenly shifted to the strange girl who had shouted at her before. She looked from her to Edward, the memory of a certain dream came to mind when she saw the size of her chest. (Amaya: Does anyone remember this? =D Shiro: Oh by the way, I has big boobies...LIKE UKRAINE!)

"You!" Winry exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Shiro.

Shiro's eyes darted from side to side. "Okay, I know I do a LOT of things that make people angry, ...but wha'd I do this time?"

"You're that girl from Edward's dream aren't you?" Winry asked with more than just an edge of anger in her tone.

"Le dream?" Shiro said in innocent confusion.

Winry explained, rather loudly to Edward's dismay, his strange dream from a few mornings ago about being face-first in some mystery girl's bosom.

Both Shiro and Amaya went deep into thought for a few moments. In the usual anime style, as they came to an epiphany they bopped their palms with their fists.

Shiro was the first to speak up. "Ohhhhhh-she did it," she claimed pointing at Amaya.

"Uh yeaaaaa, I think I know what happened," Amaya said. She went into a brief explanation about the Edward voodoo doll, and why he had behaved so strangely in those few days. "I used to sleep with that doll, so I guess when the piece of his cloak was still attached he was just seeing what the doll was seeing."

Suddenly, Shiro who had been standing idly by with her spaceyness a moment before, perked up and slowly turned her head to Edward with a Cheshire Cat grin. "Edward, you didn't tell _us_ about these...dreams of yours," she said slyly.

Amaya perked up in a similar fashion and turned to him. "Yeeaaaaa, why didn't you tell us?" She folded her arms under her chest and lifted them less than coyly.

Winry fumed in the background.

Edward looked as if he wanted to sink into the earth._ I just haaaad to think it didn't I? _He looked over to Al, and through gritted teeth said, "Yea Al, she's _very_ nice. Like an angel...FROM HELL!"

Of course Shiro overheard and unwelcomely chimed in, "She's nice when I'm asleep!" And then she launched into one of her strange...explanations. "You see, the demon goes to sleep when the blue leopard fairy flies away. But then when the fairy comes back, the demon goes RAAAAAWR! And then it eats the sun." She paused as if she were finished, but then..."So the only light comes from the the blue leopard fairy's sparkle dust. And that's where stars come from."

Amaya patted Shiro on the head. "It's okay Shiro, we know you're special."

Edward gawked with a what the hell face. "Did you even understand that one?"

"...I really don't know," Amaya replied. "I think she managed to confuse my confusion."

"CONFUSECEPTION!" Shiro shouted. "But then I think about it...and I think that's where babies come from."

Amaya shook her head. "Maybe we should all go inside," she suggested. "I think Shiro needs a little food so she can brain."

~~~~~~~~~~At le hotel~~~~~~~~~~

A short while later, they had managed to get a room at a hotel. Edward was glad to be away from Winry for a little while, considering what had transpired out in the street. He and Al were getting ready to head out into town once more, just to look around and _try_ to relax.

"We'll be back whenever," he called over his shoulder as he walked towards the door.

"Edwaaaaaaaaaaaaaard! ...Can we come witchu?" Shiro whined.

Edward answered with a glare.

"B-but, Edwaaaaard if you don't take us with you, I might break the room by accident!" She then smiled menacingly. "And then you'll have to pay for _everything_."

The tiny alchemist sighed in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled.

"YAAAAAAAAYZ!" The girls cried.

Back out on the streets of Rush Valley, a few civilians were giving Edward strange looks thanks to the little display from earlier.

Edward groaned and tried to ignore them. Because of this, he lost track of Al for a moment. "Al, where are you?" he without any energy whatsoever.

"Brother!" Alphonse called out from a short distance. "I think I found something!"

"What, did you find another stray cat?" Edward sighed.

"Weeeeell, kinda," Alphonse answered.  
He held up the limp form of a Xingese manchild, which Shiro recognized instantly. She slapped her hands against her cheeks and squealed in the most fangirly way any of them had ever heard. "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"

~~~~~~~~~~A few minutes later~~~~~~~~~~

The Xingese manchild, now known as Ling, was stuffing his face. Edward was staring in bewilderment as Shiro was nibbling on buttered bread. Her eyes were wide as she stared at Ling longingly.

"Shiro, blink," Amaya reminded her casually.

Shiro obeyed and blinked.

Ling looked up from his half-empty bowl and said, "Is there something on my face?"

Once again, Shiro simply stared for a few moments. At last, she answered, "...handsomeness."

Edward did a spit take. "What?!"

"You jelly Edward?" Amaya said with a grin.

"Pssh, no," Edward said coolly. Though the irritation was still evident in his eyes. (a/n Amaya: No, this is not an EdxOC shipping fic, we're just being funny, cool your butts. Shiro: Accept for maybe me and Ling, that might happen! Amaya: Oy.)

"Who wouldn't be jelly of him?" Shiro murmured dreamily.

"Shiro, you're thinking out loud again," Amaya warned.

Shiro perked up and shifted her eyes, "You heard _nothing_!"

Ling stared in confusion for a moment more before shrugging and going back to his food.

"It's strange to see a Xingese in this part of the world," Al commented.

Ed, Al and Ling launched into a long conversation about the Philosopher's Stone.

"Seen it," Amaya muttered. She and Shiro spaced out for a while as the three uh..."men" conversed.

Until...

"I know, I should come along with you guys!" Ling exclaimed.

"No," Edward said more firmly than the fangirls predicted.

"Did he say it like that before?" Shiro asked.

"Nooo, I don't think he did," Amaya answered. "Wonder what's up his ass. And how'd we miss it?"

"Come on Edward!" Shiro whined as she hugged Ling's arm tight. "Can we keep it pleeeeeeease?"

"Yea, will you keep me pleeeeeeeeeease?" Ling added.

Amaya crossed her arms, looking sort of motherly in a weird ass way. "Edward said no Shiro. Besides, it has shifty eyes."

"Heeeeeeey! He's sensitive about that!" Shiro whined even whinier.

"Heeeey, I'm se-...wait, how did you know that?" Ling asked curiously.

"Uhhh...I'm psychic!" Shiro exclaimed dimwittedly.

A greedy smile spread across Ling's face. "Really now, how would you like to come back to Xing with me?"

"YE-...waaaait...I lied," Shiro let go of his arm and rushed around to hide behind Amaya, peeking out only a tiny bit.

Edward smiled triumphantly._ I win. _Then it dawned on him. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!"

"Edward, you should have cut your coffee with milk," Shiro said in that same strange motherly tone Amaya had earlier. "I know you don't like it, but it's better for you."

"SHUT UP!"

"Make me," Shiro said smugly with her arms crossed. 

"Well I don't care what you say, he's still not coming with us!" Edward snapped.

Shiro appeared crestfallen. Tears glistened in her eyes.

_Ah crap._ Edward thought.

Suddenly a scary aura appeared around her. As she raised her head, demonic eyes peered back at him. "Fine then, you will give us money to go to a cafe, while you go on and do whatever THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING!"

Edward froze and glanced to Amaya for support. But the other slightly more sane fangirl simply held out her hand. "Just do it Ed, you don't wanna piss her off...anymore than you already have."

~~~~~~~~~~LALALA TIME SKIP~~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro nommed contently on fudge, only thinking of the sweetness of the chocolatey goodness. It had been half an hour since they had departed from the Elric brothers.

"Feel better?" Amaya asked as she sipped some hazelnut tea.

"Yeeee-"

But at that moment, Edward walked up.

The joy melted from Shiro's face. "No," she answered angrily.

Amaya was the first to notice that half of Edward's automail arm had been completely demolished. Even though she knew she should have expected this, it still shocked her. "Ed, your arm!"

"Eh?" Shiro looked over and smiled creepily when she saw the wreckage of his automail. "Let's go find Winry!"

Shiro began to skip back to the hotel, and Amaya shook her head and followed. For once, Edward lagged behind them, dragging his feet and crying comically. _Why meee?_

~~~~~~~~~~At the hotel~~~~~~~~~~

As they arrived back at the hotel, Shiro happened upon a sight that filled her with mirth...loudly. "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"

Ling looked up with a turkey leg half shoved into his mouth.

"You?!" Edward shouted as the Xingese came into his sight. "How did you get here?!"

"The window," Ling answered simply.

Amaya and Shiro then spotted Ling's bodyguards, which they remembered to be Lan Fan and Fu. "Ooooooh shit Amaya, badasses in the building," Shiro whispered.

Amaya looked at each of the bodyguards and shrugged nonchalantly. "Meh."

"But they broke Edward's arm remember?" Shiro reminded her.

Amaya's eyes suddenly went wide. "Wait, you're right! You assholes!" She started to leap towards them but Shiro held her back.

"No Amaya! Don't go towards the liiiiiiiiiiiiiight!" Shiro yelled.

Across the room, Lan Fan and Fu had their hands on their weapons.

"No suicide missions today Amaya," Shiro prompted. "That's my job! Don't steal my thunder!"

Amaya sighed. "Ah fine. I keel them later."

The sound of Lings voice brought back Shiro's attention. "The girls back home in Xing are not as pretty as you."

Shiro whirled around hopefully, only to see that he was speaking to Winry. A deathly aura emanated from Shiro as she glared at Winry.

Edward shuttered._ I know that rage. _He slowly turned towards Shiro.

But then she slumped in despair and locked eyes with the floor. "I'm gonna go to my room now."

"I'm gonna make sure she's okay," Amaya said, following her. "Oh yea, Winry," she pointed to Edward's shattered arm. "Look what Edward did!" And she ran off.

There was a pause on the other side of the wall, but then both girls heard. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO NOW?!"

_**Clang**_!

"Aaaaand there's the wrench," Amaya said.

"I feel a little better now...a tiny bit," Shiro mumbled.

To change the subject, Amaya broke out into a conversation about the last few days events. "Can you believe all this though? It's so amazing! And I actually got to meet Hughes!" But then Amaya was suddenly in a somber mood as well. "Too bad he has to die."

But then a little light bulb went off in Shiro's head. "No he doesn't," she giggled manically.

"What are you talking about?" Amaya asked suspiciously but curiously.

"I has brain baby."

~~~~~~~~~~The next morning, after shit goes down~~~~~~~~~~~

Edward's new automail gleamed in the sunlight as he, Al, the crazy girls, and even Ling and Winry boarded the train back to Central. Their moods had been sour the night before, but their spirits had lifted a bit with a good night's sleep.

As usual, Shiro was the first to speak. "Soooooo, anybody have any good dreams last night? Huh Edwaaaaaard?"

The tiny alchemist glared at her and leaned in close so only she could hear him. "Don't you dare! You're not ruining this day too damnit!"

"Too late, shorty pants!" Shiro said sweetly.

A vein throbbed in Edward's head.

"Yes, tell us about your dreams Edward," Amaya chimed in, wanting to join the game.

"Shut up!" Edward growled through gritted teeth, trying not to glance at her breasts.

"What are you all talking about?" Ling asked.

Shiro leaned in and whispered the situation to Ling.

Ling suddenly exploded into laughter and tears rolled from his squinty eyes. He managed to pause long enough to look at Edward and say, "I thought you didn't like milk."

Everyone, Winry included, started cracking up. Except Ed of course.

Edward's face glowed red, he sank down in his seat and pulled his coat over his head once more. "SHUT UP!" he shouted through the fabric.

Both Shiro and Ling paused in their laughter long enough to look up, noticing that their faces were barely an inch apart. They were locked in each other's gaze.

Then...

_Shing!_

Surprised by the sudden knife through the roof, Shiro sat bolt upright. "I didn't do it!"

Ling on the other hand was thoroughly confused. "Wha?"

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Aaaaand chapter done! ...7 hours later.

Amaya: You motherfuckers better appreciate this shit. No seriously, we love you guys!

Shiro: They'll appreciate it, cause it has Ling in it!

Amaya: We get it, Ling is the freakin ...I dunno fuck brain no work no more.

Shiro: ...I wanna snuggle something! Preferably Ling-shaped.

Amaya: Do I have to have you fixed?

Shiro: ...No?

Amaya: Okay good. Well hopefully it doesn't take us another two months to upload a chapter. See you then!


	4. Ed Promised What to WHAT!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: I would just like to make one thing clear, mkay? We are going to follow the plot of FMA:Brotherhood to some extent, but not down to every last detail.

Shiro: Like cha man. Dude, I ran into a dead snake today, I was like ahhhhh. I was like, "better you than me, bro."

Amaya: Yea, I was wondering why you had that total "da fuck" look on your face.

Shiro: On the bright side though...LIIIIIIIIING!

Amaya: Again? Really? Son of a fuck.

Shiro: Sorry, just had to get that out one last time. Soooooo, enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA.

Chapter 4

Shiro stretched as she woke up on the train, seeing that nearly everyone else had already awoke and was quietly watching the world rush by outside. Everyone except Amaya that is.

"Fuck," Shiro muttered.

Edward suddenly became more alert. _Oh crap, the _thing_ is awake. _

"Oh, you're awake!" Ling exclaimed cheerfully. "But why are you angry?"

Shiro stared irritably, showing clearly that she was not a morning person. "I'm awake first. I'm _never_ awake first! She's _always_ up before me! Why you think I'm crazy all the time?!"

Ling recoiled and held up his arms in surrender. "I don't know," he squeaked.

"Any morning that she wakes up before me, I know that the day is gonna be good. There's always something fun to do when she's there," Shiro explained. Her face was suddenly a mask of stoicism. "I'm pathetic aren't I?"

Ling burst into tears comically, for there was no other way to describe it. He launched himself across the seats to attach himself to Shiro's torso, rubbing his face to and fro. "You're not pathetic! You're a wonderful human being!"

Shiro looked down at him apathetically. "Ling, get your face out of my boobs."

Ling stopped and looked at Shiro's stone cold face. "Okay," he squeaked timidly. He then moved himself aside and rubbed against her shoulder instead. "But you're not pathetic!"

"Okay...yea, I'm still pathetic."

Ling looked up at Shiro, thoroughly confused by her oddly calm behavior. _This is nothing like the girl I met yesterday. _

"Ling, go sit down," Shiro ordered.

"Okay," he squeaked again.

Ed was no less befuddled than Ling. If anything, he was even more so. Even though he had known this strange girl for a few days, he knew that this was not normal for her. He nudged Al anxiously and whispered, "Al, she's planning something, I know it!"

"Why do you say that brother?"

"She's not being crazy right now! When have we _not_ seen her crazy?! She's _always_ crazy!"

"I can hear you ya know," Shiro muttered as she opened her voodoo book and began to read.

Ed and Al were startled out of their seats by the deathly tone in her voice.

But Shiro could care less, barely sparing them a glance as she kept reading.

Ling suddenly became curious of the book she held in her hands. "What's that about?" he asked, getting much closer to her face.

"Something you wouldn't understand," Shiro said flatly as she pushed Ling away with a single finger to his forehead.

Unsatisfied with her answer, Ling sporadically tried to get a better look from all angles. At last, he simply attempted to read over her shoulder, but was unable to understand the strange language it was written in.

Shiro turned the page rather casually and muttered, "I suddenly understand why Edward finds you so annoying."

Ling gave a short gasp, and returned to his seat with a crestfallen expression on his squinty face, clearly heartbroken by Shiro's sharp words. Edward of course burst out laughing at Ling's expense.

"Edward, shut up," Shiro deadpanned.

This immediately silenced the tiny alchemist. With a scowl he said, "Well, _fine_!"

"Thank you," Shiro said as she turned another page.

At that moment at last, Amaya stirred and opened her eyes. She shook her weary head to orient herself, and noticed some strange body language from her companions. "Diiiiiid I miss something?" she asked curiously.

Everyone looked at her as if to give her a warning.

"That doesn't explain anything," Amaya irritably grumbled. "I'm not a fucking mind reader."

"You're just imagining things Amaya," Shiro mumbled.

Amaya glanced at her friend, seeing the uncharacteristically focused expression on her face. "Ohhhhh, right."

Ling, seeming to have gotten over his glum mood, leaned over Shiro's shoulder once more. He started to poke her in the face repeatedly, insistently asking, "Come on, what's it about? What's it abooooout?"

An angry vein ticked rapidly on Shiro's forehead. But she inwardly grinned as a devious idea came to mind. Shiro flipped all the way to the front of the book and said, "Fine, so you really want to know?" Ling nodded happily. "Once upon a time, there was a squinty eyed prince who dreamed of one day becoming emperor. He was trying to find the key to immortality. In his adventure, he went to a foreign land and met a strange group. Among those was a knight, a midget, a blonde tramp, and a pair of awesome chicks with strange interests. One of the awesome chicks that was normally crazy was suddenly serious for the day, and the prince decided to bother her as much as he could. And she became very annoyed. Do you wanna know what happened next, Ling?" she asked menacingly.

Ling nodded cautiously.

"She killed him brutally and painfully," she said smiling as she shut her book. "The end."

This caused Ling to slide sullenly back into his seat once more, his face white with horror.

With that, Shiro went back to reading peacefully.

Amaya shook her head at her friend's devilish trick, torn between facepalming or complimenting the clever ploy. But she knew that Shiro would be occupied with her book for quite some time, so she began surveying the rest of her companions. It was then that Amaya began to feel quite insignificant. Edward and Alphonse had alchemy, Ling had his fighting prowess (when he wasn't out cold from starvation that is), and Winry had mechanics. Hell, even her friend Shiro had her voodoo practices. Where did that leave her? _Seriously, where does that leave me? _Amaya wondered. She thought it over for a moment, and her face screwed up with horror at the conclusion._ Does that make me...the damsel in distress?! _"Oh HELL no!" Amaya cried out, suddenly unable to contain her voice any longer. 

Everyone looked at her with wide eyed puzzlement.

"What's your problem?" Edward asked with obvious annoyance.

For that, he received a burning glower from Amaya. "You all have something to contribute to the group, but I don't! And like hell I'm gonna end up being the damsel in distress that gets us all into trouble or some shit!" She paused for a few moments, seeming to descend deep into thought. Her back straightened, signaling an epiphany. She stood up from her seat, not caring how much the train rumbled beneath her feet or how much unwanted attention she was attracting. "Ed!" she cried out, pointing her finger barely an inch from his eyes. "Teach me alchemy!"

Edward looked up at her as if she had gone completely insane...again. He pushed her hand away, stood up to face her and shouted at her, "Like hell I will!"

"Well why _not_?!" Amaya yelled back, pushing him forcefully back into his seat.

"Because you two do enough damage without alchemy!" Edward snapped when he recovered the air that had been blasted from his lungs on impact. "You can forget it! There's no way I would ever, ever, _ever_ teach you!"

Amaya gritted her teeth and stared him down while Edward stared back with equal force. Electric anger seemed to sizzle in the air between the two, the tension was so thick that it could be cut with a knife.

"I'll teach you," Alphonse gently intervened.

Amaya broke the glare and smiled at the younger Elric brother. "Thank you, Al," she said graciously as she sat back down. She tossed one final glare at Edward and declared, "I like Al better than you now."

Edward's fragile little ego shattered. He shamefully surrendered to his pride and reiterated, "Alright, I'll teach you!" He reached out as if begging for her favor.

Amaya huffed, "Too late now, shrimp. You had your chance."

"Amaya," Shiro sighed. "Let Edward teach you alchemy so he'll shut up."

"Oh fine," Amaya surrendered. "But only if Al helps too."

"Of course, now shut up all of you, I'm busy," Shiro grumbled.

~~~~~~~~~~~Time lapse...bitch~~~~~~~~~~

"Aaaand done," Shiro declared cheerfully as she at last shut her book. "Amaya, you're awake!"

Amaya slowly turned her head towards her friend with an exasperated expression. "Noooo, really?"

"What?" Shiro asked obliviously with her head tilted sideways.

"I've been up for hours, you even spoke to me when I woke up!"

"Well I was _reading_! You know I'm re-... I'm concentrated when I read!"

"No, go on, what were you gonna say?" Edward insisted, grinning slyly.

"I'm really...taller than Edward!" Shiro snapped back.

Edward's expression shifted into one of annoyance.

"Oh, what noooow, shrimp?"

"That's IT!" Edward shouted, he jumped up from his seat and flailed around as Alphonse held him back.

Alphonse attempted to calm his furious brother, but Shiro was not helping. "Oh, you mad bro?" she provoked. "Come on, let's go! Let's do dis! Let's go! Let's GO! Come at me bro!"

Amaya looked passively at the increasingly obnoxious Shiro. She reached into her bag which lay at her feet and pulled out a small box of chocolate Pocky. Without saying a word, she held the box right before Shiro's eyes.

"What cha gonna do shri- Ooh Pocky nom!" Shiro cried joyfully as she snatched the box.

Edward suddenly stopped with a stupefied expression on his face. He looked wordlessly to Amaya for some sort of explanation.

Amaya simply smiled and declared, "I have tamed the beast."

"Nom?" Shiro looked at Ling inquiringly as if she had asked a real question.

Ling could not decipher the meaning of her word, but he simply smiled, nodded and replied in concur, "Nom."

"Nom!" Shiro delightfully cried as she handed him a box of Pocky as well.

Ling looked inquisitively at the box, turning it over in his hands and shaking it as if it were a present.

Amaya stood up and walked across the aisle and took the box from his hands. He reached after it as if to reclaim his prize. Amaya simply turned away slightly and peeled off the cardboard seal, cracking it open. She then opened the thin bag inside and produced a single stick of Pocky from it, which she promptly popped into Ling's mouth.

The confused prince hesitantly bit down on the little stick and tasted chocolate. "Oh, it's food!" he realized as Amaya handed the box back to him.

Shiro paused from her own nibble fest and looked at him. "Is it nom nom?" she asked shyly.

Ling stared at Shiro contemplatively and then proceeded to empty the contents of the Pocky box into his mouth. As he chewed vigorously, he gave her a thumbs up.

Shiro smiled cheerfully, wiggled in her seat and continued to eat her Pocky.

~~~~~~~~~~Nother time skip, in Central~~~~~~~~~~

While Winry had decided to catch another train back home, the remainder of the group was leisurely making their way to Central headquarters. Ling was up front with Ed and Al, annoying the crap out of them, his bodyguards once more nowhere in sight. Shiro and Amaya hung back and engaged in casual conversation.

When something occurred to Amaya. "By the way Shiro, what happened while I was still asleep this morning?"

Shiro seemed to descend into deep thought, then stopped in her tracks. The memory of Xingese arms wrapping around her came to mind. A geyser of blood gushed out of her nose. She immediately collapsed in a pool of her own nose blood.

"The FUCK?!" Amaya shouted, jumping back a step to avoid being painted in crimson snot.

The three boys up front turned around and gasped at Shiro's twitching form.

"What the hell did you do?!" Edward shouted at Amaya.

"I didn't do shit!" Amaya snapped back. She suddenly turned towards Ling and pointed an accusing finger, "I want to know what HE did!"

"Me?" Ling squeaked innocently. "I did nothing! Ed, back me up!"

Ed paused for a moment to think it over. But then he looked deviously to the prince. "I don't know Ling, you were _all over_ her. Oh yea, you should have seen him Amaya, his hands were all over the place. He was like an animal!"

Ling turned ghostly white as Edward explained what had transpired at least half honestly. He waved his hands defensively as Amaya stared him down with white hot fury. "That's not true! I didn't do it I swear!"

Suddenly though, Amaya's anger seemed to melt away and her expression had become much more pleasant. "Ling, can we speak privately for a moment?"

"Eep," Ling's face seemed to express the words: "I'm going to die."

Edward was smiling deviously as if to agree, "Yes you are, and it's gonna be hilarious."

Amaya impatiently grabbed Ling by his arm and pulled him aside. "I just wanted to ask," she began, "what do you think of Shiro?" She stared daggers at him once more, mentally warning him to choose his words carefully.

Ling thought it over for a moment. At last, he replied, "Well, she's very pretty, she's nothing like the girls back in Xing! I do not think she is very interested in me though."

Amaya's jaw dropped and her eye twitched in disbelief. "Are you...wha...you can't...ARE YOU _FUCKING_ CEREAL RIGHT NOW?!" she shouted, punctuating her curse with a punch to the top of Ling's head. "Are you blind?! I mean, I know you never open your frikkin eyes, but are you blind?!"

"OW! Hey, I'm sensitive about that!" Ling retorted with comical tears.

"Well _I'm_ sensitive that you have such a tiny brain!" She turned away in an exasperated huff and walked towards the Elric brothers. "And Ed."

_BOP_!

"OW!" Edward shouted as a lump inflated atop his head as well. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Lying," Amaya answered simply.

"I didn't lie!" he argued.

"Well it _sounded_ like you did, so same thing," Amaya said.

"But you don't understand! His face was in her-" Edward's face abruptly turned beet red, unable to finish his sentence.

Amaya crossed her arms under her chest and less than discretely lifted. "Go on," she prompted with a sly grin. Oh how she loved making the little twerp squirm.

"Nevermind," Edward grumbled, his eyes on the ground.

A few seconds ticked by and Amaya's voice whispered in his ear, "You were speaking of hers, but I know you were thinking of mine."

Edward's muscles tensed as the heat in his face intensified. He jumped away from her screaming for perhaps the thousandth time in the last few days, "SHUT UP!"

"Let's go," Amaya said tiredly. "All of this whip cracking is making my arm sore."

Edward looked at her in confusion. "What?"

"You'll understand when you're bigger, Edward," Amaya replied snarkily.

"WHO ARE CALLING A MIDGET SO SMALL THEY COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR A FIVE YEAR OLD?!" Edward shouted.

"She didn't say that Edward," Alphonse pointed out. He looked at the still unconscious Shiro. "I can carry her to headquarters if I need to," he offered.

"That's sweet Al, but _Ling_ has to do it," Amaya claimed.

"Me?! B-but why?" the Xingese prince stuttered.

"Cause you're responsible for this, now shut it," Amaya responded. "Besides, people have to carry _your_ ass around all the time."

With a sigh, Ling lifted Shiro up from the ground.

The group set out once more, silently making their way to Central headquarters.

~~~~~~~~~~Back at headquarters, fuckin finally~~~~~~~~~~

Roy Mustang stared out the window of his still half ruined office, trying to ignore the renovations going on as well as the usual annoying stack of paperwork on his desk. The last couple of days had been a bit of a headache, but the Colonel was content as long as...

His eyes widened as the group came into view. "No," he gasped in denial. He looked away from the window and looked back again.

But they were still there!

"Hawkeye!" he shouted. "Bar the doors!"

Riza Hawkeye rushed into the room, as fully alert as ever. "What is it sir? Is a threat approaching?"

"Yes! My poor office is in danger...again!" Roy explained as he cried comically.

Hawkeye looked out the window and spotted the group for herself. "Oh," she said with a sigh. "Sir, next time call me like that when there's a _real_ emergency."

"This _is_ a real emergency!" Mustang insisted, panic evident in his voice.

Immediately, he rushed to his phone and dialed Maes Hughes. "Hughes, bar headquarter doors and windows!" he ordered.

"What's the matter, are we under attack?" he asked urgently.

"Yes! They're back!" Roy exclaimed.

"'They'?" Hughes responded questionably. But then it clicked, and his tone changed to his usual cheerfulness. "Oh, _them_! And here I though they were gone for good. I just can't wait to see those adorable girls again! I'll be at your office in a few minutes!" The line went dead.

"Idiot," Roy growled into the receiver before he slammed the phone down.

The door to the Colonel's office suddenly swung open. "Mustang, we're heeeeeere~" Amaya called out.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ling at last plopped the unconscious fangirl onto a nearby couch and collapsed as he gasped for air. (a/n Amaya: For the record, she's not heavy. But carrying someone that long would tire anyone out. Unless they were living suit of armor of course but whatevs.)

Mustang then noticed a fresh red stain on his new couch, which was seeping from Shiro's clothes and hair. Eye twitching in anger, he asked through gritted teeth, "Fullmetal, is that blood?"

Edward's eyes shifted from side to side as he contemplated his answer. His frantic gaze locked on Ling, and he pointed a finger at the exhausted prince. "He did it!"

Ling lifted his head from the floor with comical tears once again flowing down his face. "Why are the people in this country so cruel?!"

"FUZZY WUZZY WAS A LIE!" Shiro blurted as she suddenly awoke.

Everyone, particularly Roy, jolted in surprise.

Shiro noticed the comically crying exhausted Ling in a puddle of his own tears on the floor. She glared darkly at everyone else in the room. "What. Did. You. Guys. Do?" she snarled demonically.

Amaya, unphased by Shiro's threat, simply pointed back at her and said casually, "You did it."

Guilty tears welled up almost instantaneously in Shiro's eyes. "Whaaaat?" She threw her arms around Ling and cried, "I'm so sorry!" She suddenly paused, realizing what she had done. Another fountain of blood came forth and she passed out again.

With a stick that came out of nowhere, Ling began to poke the unmoving Shiro in the face. When she twitched, he cheerfully declared, "Don't worry, she's alive!"

"Great," Ed and Roy grumbled in unison. They looked at each other in shock and terror, unable to believe they had agreed on something.

Shiro awoke again and shouted, "AMAYA, IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE FOR REAL NOW! THEY AGREEEEEED!"

Even the normally pragmatic Amaya seemed shocked, "Ya know, maybe it is!"

"OH MY GOSH I DON'T WANNA DIE, I JUST FOUND LING!" Shiro cried as she latched onto Ling once more. She let go and rushed over to Amaya. "SAY IT AIN'T SO!"

Edward stood tensely and twitched in anger. "Okay, I know I'm repeating myself now but, SHUT UP!"

The door swung open once again to reveal a smiling Hughes. "Hey! Sorry I took so long to get here but I-" he suddenly noticed the plentiful amount of blood staining Shiro's person...and the couch...aaaand the floor.

"Hawkeye, did you shoot her?!" he cried in alarm.

"Nope!" Shiro replied sweetly. "I'm fine, Hughes!"

"Then whose blood is that?"

"Mine," she nodded as she replied.

Ed suddenly felt an iron grip on his non-automail shoulder. He could already feel Roy Mustang's anger emanating from behind him. "Fullmetal, clean up this mess," the Colonel demanded.

"What?!" Ed shouted.

"Yea Ed, you're all responsible for us and stuff," Shiro mocked with a grin.

"Besides, you could just use alchemy to make the blood into something else," Amaya pointed out. "So quit your bitchin'." Her eyes suddenly went wide as an idea came to mind. "SWORD!" She shouted excitedly, making everyone in the room jump. "Make a sword with it!" Amaya exclaimed as she stared greedily at the bloodstains."This blood with be the destruction of many foes," she whispered sinisterly, on the verge of drooling. (a/n Amaya: If any of you forgot, I collect swords and daggers. Why? Cause pointy things are awesome.)

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.

But then Shiro began to giggle dorkily. "Hehehehehehe...my blood makes other people bleed."

Edward clapped his hands together, but he hesitated. _Maybe I should turn it into something less deadly, _he thought. But one glance at Amaya told him there was no other option that didn't end in pain. He knelt down and placed his hands in the pool of blood, a dazzling white light filled the room.

Shiro and Amaya stared in amazement, this was their first time witnessing Edward use alchemy.

"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Shiro half hissed, half yelled in triumph.

Amaya remained silent until the light at last dissipated. "Awesome," she gasped.

The blood was now gone and a gleaming sword lay in its place. Its grip resembled that of a twisted rope, the guard was jagged on both sides like the wings of a dragon, and there was even a small charm in the shape of a roaring black panther hanging off the end of the pommel.

The expression on Amaya's face reminded Edward of the unbridled joy on Winry's face when she examined a piece of automail.

Amaya threw her arms around Shiro, nearly slicing Roy in the face, and exclaimed with gratitude. "Thank you for being such a fangirl!"

Edward looked on, insulted and bewildered, he held his hands out in question and stammered, "B-but...but..._I_ made the damn sword!"

"B-but...but...I bled the damn blood!" Shiro argued. She rolled her eyes and growled, "Fuck you shorty!"

While Edward raged, as usual, Roy sat whimpering in the center of the floor. "My face," he whined. "She almost ruined my beautiful face!"

"Oh stop complaining ya wuss!" Shiro snapped.

Shiro's behavior confused Ling greatly. _Where is hyper happy girl? _He thought.

Out of the blue, Shiro became her uhh..."normal" bouncy self. "Huuuuuughes, can I has some candyyyyy?"

"Of course you can sweetheart!" Hughes exclaimed happily. "But first," he said as he reached into his pocket.

Ed, Roy and Hawkeye all groaned. They knew what was coming.

"I want to show you my beautiful daughter!" Hughes gushed as he held a picture of Alecia before Shiro's eyes.

"Ohmygoshshe'ssoadorable!" Shiro gushed back. "I want to hug her! Can I meet her and hug her? I wanna give her some candy! She is just so adorable it's not fair! I'm gonna kidnap her and keep her as my own. But if I did that then she'd miss her real mommy and daddy...so I won't kidnap her!"

Hughes blinked in confusion and remained silent for a few moments. But then his customary grin returned. "You really think she's adorable?!"

"Of course, she's such a cutie pie!"  
Ling smiled a creepy smile of his own. "So, you like children, Shiro?"

"Yes! They're so friggin adorable-! ...I mean uhhh...children. Yea." Shiro's eyes dropped to the floor and she immediately scuttled behind Amaya, who was still admiring her sword. "Maybe we should go for a walk or something," the embarrassed Shiro suggested.

"Wha?" Amaya asked distractedly, her eyes still on the blade. "Oh, right, sure!" she answered at last as she snapped back to attention. "We'll be going out for a bit," she announced to the rest of the room.

Edward groaned in relief. "Finally," he sighed to himself.

"We'll see you at the hotel guuuuys!" Shiro called back as she waved sporadically.

In a strange moment of seriousness, Ling showed profound sadness on his face. "I knew she didn't like me," he lamented.

Amaya, having heard him, rolled her eyes and shouted over her shoulder, "LING YOU'RE A FUCKING DUMBASS!"

Ling jolted out of his somber moment and flinched. "What did I do?!"

"Wait, whyyyyyy is Ling a fucking dumbass?" Shiro inquired curiously.

"Hell no! You figure that out for yourself!" Amaya shouted as she slammed the office door behind her. The only sound behind the door was Ling's whining.

"...Okay!" Shiro chirped as she happily skipped after Amaya.

~~~~~~~~~~Walkin' through fuckin' Central. Like a boss!~~~~~~~~~~

"La la la la la la!" Shiro sang cheerfully in tune of the Smurfs theme.

"Shiro, stop singing," Amaya said absently as she shifted her new sword in her grasp. "I'm trying to look all badass and shit and you're not helping."

"But I like the Smurfs," Shiro said innocently.

"What the hell is a Smurf?!"

The two girls froze. The frustrated growl had come from a dark corner of the nearest alley. A dangerously familiar growl.

Shiro looked menacingly to Amaya and reached for the gasoline stashed in her bag. "Time to burn some palm tree," she whispered.

Amaya held her sword aloft and ready. "Fuck yea," she agreed.

They both snuck up to the corner of the alley and jumped out in surprise, ready and itching for a fight.

But nothing was there.

"Huh?" they both wondered.

An eerie warm breeze brushed against their ears as a whisper came from behind. "Behind you."

As they screamed, their courage dissipated with the air in their lungs.

Frantically, Shiro tossed the canister of gasoline at the palm tree man and shouted, "DIE PALM TREE!"

Envy looked on in disgust as the sharp smell of the gasoline assaulted him. He turned to glare daggers at the girl who had been fool enough to strike him. "What are you-"

"Catch palm tree!" Shiro exclaimed as she tossed a burning lighter at him.

He erupted into a scream of agony as flames danced across his skin.

"Get him!" Shiro shouted at Amaya. "Kill the palm tree! Kill!"

Amaya grinned insidiously as she looked hungrily at her sword. "The perfect first blood," she whispered in manic delight. She jumped forward and began to hack and slash at the burning homonculus, tearing deep gashes into his skin and making him scream louder. He tried to lash out at her, but she was quick to back away, more in panic than defense.

Shiro noticed a clump of unscorched greenish black hair floating to the ground. She snatched it up and held it close in triumph. "My first conquest!" she cackled in victory.

Amaya, who had by now lost the advantage, dashed away, grabbing Shiro in the process. "Run!"

~~~~~~~~~~Back in Roy's office (what a fuckin surprise!)~~~~~~~~~~

The office had gone relatively quiet, especially since Hughes had left a few minutes ago. Though not much had been accomplished this day, Edward already felt exhausted. "I don't know how much more of this I can take, Al," he groaned.

"It'll be okay, brother. They're getting a bit...better," Al futilely attempted to quell his brother's worries.

"You can't be serious!" Edward snapped. "Who knows how much trouble they'll cause? I mean, more than they already have!" With a sudden regretful sob, Edward half cried half moaned the words, "And what's more, I promised I would teach that _thing_ alchemy!"

A sudden slam jolted them to the attention of the Colonel's desk. "You promised to teach _what_ to _what_ Fullmetal?!"

"I didn't want to!" Edward exclaimed frantically. "But she...made me do it!"

Roy gave Ed a knowing condescending look. "She insulted your manhood didn't she?"

Ed pouted and turned away without answering.

"You don't need to worry about that," Roy assured. "You don't have a manhood yet."

Before Edward could jump up to rip off the Colonel's face, the window slammed open right behind Mustang.

"ALLEY! AND KILLING! AND DYING! AND PALM TREEEEEE!" Shiro screamed in evident panic. Before she could continue, she fell into the office and Amaya stepped over her less than gracefully.

"So, a palm tree tried to kill you?" Ling asked. He put on his rarely seen serious face and reached for his sword. _I don't know what a palm tree is, but I must protect her from it!_

Shiro popped up and gleefully announced, "But on the bright side, I set fire to the raaaaain! Which is more than Mustang can do."

All of the rage that had been burning in Roy's eyes a moment before suddenly vanished into complete emoness.

Amaya slowed her gasping breath and tried to compose herself. "So wha-," she cleared her throat as her voice cracked in lingering fear. In a more controlled tone, she asked calmly, "So wha'd we miss?"

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: Holy fuck buckets this chapter is long!

Shiro: Yea, it is long! Like, I was losing brain halfway through.

Amaya: Me too actually...so let's make this quick. Hope you enjoyed, see you next time blah blah fuckity blah.

Shiro: ...SPOCK!


	5. The So-Called Truth and the Real Truth

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: YouknowwhoNYAN, of course I know who, thank you for reading our fic! Oh, thanks to everyone else too, but I'm mentioning her specifically because we know her in real life and shit.

Amaya: Yep. Anyway...fuck it's quiet in here right now. Da fuck?

Shiro: I DIDN'T DO IT!

Amaya: Ahh, there's the noise.

Shiro: YAAAAY~

Amaya: Well I guess there isn't much to say this time, except GET THE FUCK OUT. No just kidding, enjoy the story.

Shiro: Happy fun reading time!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA. Even thought we totally own Edward all the time in this story.

Chapter 5

"You did it all wrong!" Edward snapped, looking at the shapeless lump next to his own transmuted statue of himself. "Were you even paying attention?"

"Yes, I was paying attention!" a frustrated Amaya snapped back. "It's not my fault your a sucky-ass teacher!" Truthfully, Amaya knew that her failed transmutation was mostly her fault, but she wasn't about to admit it. She wanted nothing more than to smash the ugly creation out of existence. And maybe Edward's face too.

"What did you say?!"

"You heard what I said you microscopic little ladybug!"

A massive vein suddenly began to tick on the enraged alchemist's forehead. He cried out in fury and transmuted a blade from his automail arm. "That's IT!"

Amaya, too angry to feel threatened, hardly flinched as she shouted back, "I thought you didn't fight ladies!"

"As far as I'm concerned, you're anything but a lady!" Edward furiously retorted.

With a gasp, Amaya's face went as dark as Edward's. She retrieved her sword from her belt, holding it aloft and ready to strike. "Oh, it's on BITCH!"

Alphonse frantically reached out and tried to hold the two apart. "Brother! Amaya! Please stop fighti-"

BOOOOOM!

Everyone suddenly froze and turned to see a scorched Shiro with a still-fading black cloud drifting around her. She coughed out a ring of smoke and squeaked, "I'm okay." But then a moment later, she collapsed to the ground.

Edward's eye twitched as he looked back and forth between the unconscious Shiro and the violent Amaya. He threw up his hands and yelled, "That's it! I've had it! I've had it with the two of you insane gir- _things_ ruining my life! I'm going back to the hotel, and don't _anybody_ follow me!" With that, he turned and stormed off like an angry child who had been denied ice cream.

"Fine! I don't even care ya little...," Amaya sighed and slumped down next to her failed transmutation. "Whatever," she grumbled.

"OH SHIT!" Shiro exclaimed. She dropped the charred object in her hand and ran to the safety of... behind Ling. The thing she had been holding began to sizzle and sink into the rapidly melting ground. "...I'm not touching that."

"What was that?" Amaya asked cautiously.

"Failed attempt number 27," Shiro whimpered.

"What happened to the first 26?"

"You don't want to know," Shiro whispered forebodingly.

Amaya shrugged dismissively at her friend's typical explanation. She looked once more at her transmutation, if it could even rightfully be called so. In a burst of lingering rage, she lashed out at it with her fist. "Ow, fuck!" she cursed a moment later as she shook her sore hand. "Guess I am useless," she lamented.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Alphonse asked gently. "You're not useless, Amaya."

"Well let's see," Amaya said with mock cheerfulness. "I can't fight, I can't do alchemy or voodoo! I've got a sword, oh sure, but I don't have any real skills with one! Last I checked, collecting wasn't a skill!"

"That doesn't mean you're useless," Al said. "The way you handled brother and Ling yesterday was ...impressive. You say you can't fight, but you almost never back down. You even managed to encounter a homunculus and live! That's more than most average people can say. You actually kinda remind me of brother in a lot of ways."

Amaya nearly scoffed at that last notion, but then paused as she went deep into thought."Yea, I am pretty awesome." she said at last, half-mocking Edward's customary cockiness. With a profound smile, she looked at the younger Elric brother and said, "Thank you, Al." She regarded her sword with a glance. "And you can tell your hotheaded shrimp of a brother that I really am grateful for this sword. I just wish I had taken the time to learn how to use one before."

Off to the side, Ling's face lit up with an epiphany. "Shiro?"

"Yes?!" Shiro asked as her eyes went wide and sparkled with eagerness.

"Do you think Amaya would be okay with me teaching her sword fighting?" he asked cheerfully.

The sound of shattering glass could be heard (a/n Shiro: My heart! T-T). Shiro looked down at her feet and replied with false cheerfulness, "Yes, she'd love it!"

Ling looked on in confusion at Shiro's seemingly depressed state, but he quickly returned to his normal happy-go-lucky self. "Great!" He began to approach Amaya. "Amayaaaaaa~"

"What?" Amaya asked irritability.

"I couldn't help but overhear that you want to learn how to use that sword of yours," Ling said.

It was then that Amaya noticed a very distraught Shiro in the background. "Uh-huh," she replied suspiciously. "What are you implying?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to see if you would like to take sword-fighting lessons from me," he said obliviously.

"Oh," Amaya said bemusedly. "Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh!" She then launched into a roller coaster of confusing emotive responses. "Yes! I mean no! But I need to! But I don't want to! I mean I _do_ want to! But then Shiro..and you..and me and...stuff. And-and...," Amaya suddenly fell silent and sighed in defeat. "Okay fine."

Ling paused in confusion for a few moments. But he soon perked back up obliviously. "Great!" he exclaimed. "We can start now!"

"Now?" Amaya groaned. "Man, with all these lessons, it's like high school all over again."

"Well, it's not as bad as high school. At least the lessons you learn here are useful," Shiro pointed out. "And there's no torture."

"That's true," Amaya agreed.

"High school?" Ling asked curiously.

"Torture?!" Al inquired frantically.

"Well yea, that's how high school is," Shiro answered simply.

"Well what's high school?" Ling prompted urgently.

"First, they make us sit in a cold, desolate room for eight hours," Shiro explained, an ominous tone in her voice.

"Then they fill your mind with all of this meaningless information. All the while brainwashing you into thinking that it's important," Amaya chimed in, equally menacing.

"And they have these short intervals where they attempt to get you to 'exercise' by ringing this bell that tells you went to think and when not to think."

"There are many others who attend, forced to be there just like you. So you think they'd understand you right? WRONG! They just spit on you and cast you aside like some kind of animal!"

"And don't get me started on the food! Prisoners have better food than us! And we're supposed to _pay_ for it!"

"At the end of the day, they send you home as if to give you a sense of false hope. But, to your dismay you realize that you have to go back tomorrow! And the next day! And the next day, for the next four years!"

"So basically, it is a compound for which they use to house a bunch of adolescents to brainwash and malnourish them to the point of starvation," Shiro concluded.

"BUT," Amaya intervened again, making Ling and Al jolt in fear as the suspense built, "there is another facility you go to before that, and it's even worse! Thankfully, you only stay there for _three_ years."

"And there's even a place before that!" Shiro exclaimed dramatically.

Ling and Al gasped as they held on to one another for support and cried comically, quaking with fear.

"It's actually a little better than the other facilities," Shiro said with a shrug. "I mean, the food is still terrible and they do still try to mash useless information into your brain. But you get to play for a small period of time."

"Yes, they allow you to maintain your innocence for a little while," Amaya sighed. "...**Before they brutally rip it out of you**!"

"Then, after thirteen long years, you start to develop a small case of Stockholm Syndrome. You actually start to _miss_ that place!" Shiro explained.

"Granted, just a little," Amaya chimed in.

"Yes, but some cases are worse than others."

The breath was suddenly crushed from Shiro and Amaya's lungs as they were embraced by their comically crying audience.

Al, who was hugging Amaya, blurted, "We had no idea!"

"How did you survive?!" Ling cried, practically suffocating Shiro.

The pair of fangirls looked at each other in utter confusion. But then their faces lit up as they realized how exceptionally horrible they had made the mundane events of high school seem. They seemed to telepathically understand how to thoroughly mind fuck the two of them.

When they were released, Shiro burst into crocodile tears. "It was so tough!" she practically sobbed.

"But we banded together!" Amaya cried, equally emotional.

"And we didn't lose hope!"

"No one else mattered! We had each other!"

"In a non-lesbo way," Shiro explained, suddenly calm. (a/n Shiro: No offense to any lesbians or gays out there. We just don't swing that way. But we love yous.)

"Right," Amaya said irritability, annoyed that Shiro had interrupted their charade. "It was a long thirteen years!" she cried, her voice once again dramatic. "But we made it!"

"You guys are so strong!" Al bawled.

Ling nodded in agreement, for he was too choked up to speak.

"Yes, we survived!" Shiro exclaimed. "But...there were some who weren't so lucky."

Simultaneously, the who girls covered their mouths and turned away as if to hide their own sobs. But in reality they were trying to hold in their laughter.

The moment was suddenly interrupted by a distant booming voice. "Alphonse! It's good to see you again!" Major Armstrong called from a distance with a very annoyed Edward under his arm.

"Ling, Al, don't let anyone else know about our misfortunes. We don't want to keep others up at night thinking of our torment," Shiro murmured soothingly.

"Well, you can tell Edward," Amaya permitted quietly. "I feel like he's been through enough himself to understand."

"Okay," they both whimpered in agreement.

"Back at Central so soon, eh?" Armstrong asked Al as he approached them. "I knew you just couldn't resist my masculine greatness!" he shouted as he ripped off his uniform in typical fashion.

Alphonse laughed awkwardly. "Well actually-"

"Hey Al," Edward interrupted. "What the hell is wrong with the prince?"

Everyone turned to see that Ling still had little beads of tears glistening on the edge of his eyes.

"Oh nothing," Shiro intervened happily. "He just got a little dirt in his eye, isn't that right Ling?"

"Uh-huh," Ling confirmed as he wiped away the tears.

"I don't know how it's possible, since he never opens his eyes," Amaya said. "But it happened...somehow."

"Hey!" Ling cried.

"Edward! Alphonse!" Armstrong bellowed as he at last noticed the two girls. "I didn't know you had girlfriends! And what happened to Winry?"

The two Elric brothers froze in shock, Amaya and Shiro stood in confusion, and Ling looked as if he were about cut Edward down a few more sizes. He opened his eyes and glared daggers at the tiny alchemist. (a/n Shiro: People just automatically assume I'd be with Edward. Damn my shortness! LIIIIIING!)

"THEY'RE NOT OUR GIRLFRIENDS!" Edward shouted in both rage and embarrassment.

Ignoring Edward's fury, Amaya elbowed Shiro frantically and whispered, "Dude, did you see that? Ling has his eyes open!"

"Whaaaaaaaaa?" Shiro looked over at Ling, but found that his eyes were closed as he gave a sigh of relief. "His eyes aren't open, Amaya. What are you talking about?"

"Dude, I am cereal right now! He had his eyes open and he was sooooooo pissed!" Amaya insisted.

"But why would he be pissed? There's no reason to be pissed. I think you're just seeing things Amaya."

Amaya looked back and forth between Ling and Shiro. She groaned in exasperation and grabbed the back of each of their heads. "You guys are so STUPID!" she shouted as she slammed their heads into one another.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwww! What did we dooooo?" Both Shiro and Ling whined.

"Quit your whining," Amaya grumbled.

"Okay," Shiro whimpered as she hugged Ling's torso.

Ling suddenly stiffened in shock._ She's hugging me, _he thought joyfully. He looked snidely to Edward and thought, _I win_. 

Edward looked back at him in perplexion and shook his head.

"My mistake!" Armstrong boomed in good nature, making everyone focus on him again. "No need to be defensive, Elric brothers! I'm sure you'd feel lucky to have one of these lovely ladies!"

"NO WE WOULDN'T!" Edward shouted.

"NO THEY WOULDN'T!" Ling yelled at the same time.

"Ling, are you okay?" Shiro asked.

Ling's face suddenly burned bright red as he rubbed the back of his neck and sweatdropped. "Oh, I'm fine!"

"Okay!" Shiro replied obliviously. She smiled at Amaya.

Amaya's eye twitched. She facepalmed in disbelief and muttered, "Idiots."

At that moment, the perpetual sparkle next to Armstrong's face caught Shiro's eye. "Amaya, Amaya!" she whispered frantically to Amaya. "I want his sparkles, make him sparkle! Like a frikkin Twilight vampire!"

It was then that Amaya noticed a jar that had seemed to come out of nowhere in her friend's hand. She thought about asking what Shiro had in mind. But she quickly realized that it was no use questioning her friend's antics. "I'll try," she said. "Saaaaaaaaaaay, Armstrong," Amaya said to the large Major. "How did you get such big muscles anyway?"

"Glad you noticed!" Armstrong replied. "These magnificent muscles have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" Major Armstrong began to flex vigorously as sparkles flickered and danced all around his hulking form.

Edward, still trapped between the major and his massive arm, began to gasp for air. "Major, I can't breathe!" he tried to say as his face turned purple.

Meanwhile, Shiro danced around and tried to capture all of Armstrong's sparkles, putting them safely in her jar.

Once all of the sparkles were gone, Armstrong suddenly became serious, and Ed collapsed to the ground. "Wait," he realized. "How did you know my name?"

The two girls froze as they realized their slip-up.

_Damnit_._ Damnit. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit._ Amaya thought, trying to come up with an explanation.

"Um...I thought someone already said your name," Shiro suggested feebly.

"Uh...right! Why else would we know your name?" Amaya chimed in with an awkward laugh.

A tense pause hung in the air...

"Quite right!" Armstrong suddenly roared good naturedly. "It must have slipped my mind!"

Ed and Al turned aside and incredulity thought, _No one said his name. _

Shiro and Amaya glared at the Elric brothers discreetly as if to say, _Don't give us away._

"Speaking of slipping minds," Shiro said to the Major. "Isn't there something you're supposed to be doing in Central...like really important?"

"Actually I-," Armstong paused for a moment. "Well, you're quite right, little lady!" He blurted suddenly.

"Yep, most big...soldier people have important stuff to do at this time right?" She asked sweetly. Shiro turned away and seemed to glare at Ling's feet. "Stupid fuckin tall people," she grumbled quietly.

Ling, having been the only one to hear her, assumed she was speaking ill of him, immediately began to cry. Comically of course.

"It has been good to see you again, Elric brothers! I shall see you all later!" Armstrong bellowed one last time. With that, he rushed back to Central headquarters.

Shiro suddenly stretched and yawned, looking out at the sinking sun. "Can we go back to the hotel now?" she asked sleepily. "I is tired." She leaned on Ling's shoulder, exhausted for the day.

For one of the rare times in his life, Ling's eyes were wide open, and his face was beet red.

After another seemingly endless day, the group set out to rest.

~~~~~~~~~~Walking back to the hotel~~~~~~~~

The motley group was slowly but surely making their way through the darkening city of Central. Amaya and Shiro taking the lead this time as the other three lagged behind.

Shiro yawned heavily again and leaned on Amaya. "I wungo beeeeed," she whined.

Amaya, still fully awake as usual, irritably barked, "Shiro, get off me! I don't want to have to carry you! ...And if I do then I'll make Ling do it!"

"Okay," Shiro replied sleepily.

"Wha'd I do now?" Ling whined.

"You were born, that's what!" Amaya replied.

Ling gave a little whine akin to a puppy, but otherwise said nothing else.

Amaya and Shiro walked a little farther ahead to engage in their own typical giggly banter.

When Alphonse was sure that they were out of ear shot, he turned to his yawning brother. "Ed, I know I've said this before," he whispered. "But they're really not that bad. You wouldn't believe what they've been through!"

Edward looked at his brother suspiciously. "Gimme a break Al, _them_ really? Whatever it was, it couldn't have been that bad!"

"No really Edward!" Ling interceded. "They're really strong girls to have gone through such hardships!"

Edward nearly busted a gut as he howled with laughter.

The two girls looked back at him in utter confusion. But then turned back to each other and continued with their own giggles.

"Try me," Edward at last challenged as he caught his breath.

Edward stood confidently with a smug smile on his face, but as Al and Ling began to explain what they had heard earlier, his expression began to crumble more and more.

Once they were finished, Edward's once slyly smiling face had grown damp with (comical) tears. "I'm a horrible person!" he blurted out as he recalled the way he had treated them.

Amaya and Shiro walked on, blissfully ignorant of the situation behind them. It was then that they both suddenly felt a hand on their shoulders.

"Huh?" Amaya interjected placidly, recognizing the metallic texture of Edward's right hand.

"THEFUCKISTHAT?!" Shiro shouted as she became fully alert once more, feeling his indecipherable left hand. She jumped back and got into a defensive position, but then relaxed as she saw Edward. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm sorry," Ed apologized docilely, much to their astonishment. "I just wanted to say something. To you especially, Amaya."

"Whoa, whoa!" Amaya raised her arms in surprise. "Dude, you're cute and all, but I'm looking for someone more my...size."

Amazingly enough, the tiny alchemist simply laughed at this. "No, it's nothing like that. It's just that...," Edward's gaze fell to the ground, his hands balled up into fists and he began to tremble.

Shiro, terrified by the strange turn of events, launched into hysteria. "I don't wanna die! I haven't even had sex yet! I don't want to die a virgin!" she cried in panic.

"Virgin you say?" Ling asked excitedly.

Al's armor was beet red upon hearing such a thing. (a/n Amaya: For anyone who will challenge us on this, we've seen him both cry _and_ blush as a suit of armor in the anime so fuck you people! ...We love you!)

"Ed, are you okay?" Amaya asked cautiously.

Edward gritted his teeth in determination and grasped Amaya's shoulders.

_Oh shit_, Amaya thought as her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"Amaya, I swear that I will make you the best damn alchemist that Central has ever seen!" Edward vowed diligantly. "...besides me of course," he added under his breath.

"Uh...sweet. Cool. ...why?" Amaya replied, now partly convinced that she was dreaming.

"There's no need to hide it now," Edward nearly whispered. "Al and Ling told me everything. About what you both have been through. Al and I might not always be around to look after you two, and I can't leave you helpless out here."

"Awwww," Shiro cooed giggily.

Ling immediately began to glare daggers at the tiny Elric brother.

"Oh we would be fine," Amaya insisted, grinning despite Edward's weirdly grave tone. "We'd scare everyone away with our craziness!"

"Always trying to brighten the mood aren't you?" Edward asked as he smiled sweetly.

"Uhh, right!" Amaya replied, a bit shaken his sudden kindness (and adorableness).

"Well, life isn't life when it's sad. Life is life when it's happy," Shiro elucidated. "When life is always sad, it's just surviving, and just surviving isn't fun."

"Right," Edward agreed solemnly. He seemed to space out for a moment, the two girls knew he was thinking of his mother.

"Yea, like my driving instructor used to say, it's good to look back everyone once and a while. But if you look back all the time, you're just gonna end up crashing," Amaya added.

The older Elric brother smiled even more. "Ya know, you're right." Edward cleared his throat and his smile regained its usual cocky edge. "Well, just wanted you to know," he said half-dismissively before he walked back to Al and Ling.

A silence hung between Shiro and Amaya as they watched Edward walk away.

But, in a rush of her initial fangirlism, Shiro swiftly turned to Amaya and practically squealed, "Isn't he fucking adorable when he smiles?!"

"I know right?!" Amaya screeched back, feeling the same rush.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Edward looked on, continuing the smile tenderly, until the girls looked back at him. He quickly switched back to his cocky grin. This caused another eruption of fangirl squees.

"Ya know Al, you were right," Edward admitted. "They're not so bad."

By now Ling was glaring _katana blades_ at Ed.

With all the crazy emotions floating in the air, hardly anyone noticed that they had arrived at their hotel.

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip bitch~~~~~~~~~~

Early morning, everyone, including Lan-Fan and Fu who were _finally_ in plain sight, were having a rather quiet breakfast. That is, until Amaya began to speak. "So Ling," she said. Amaya hesitated as she witnessed the Xingese prince inhaling food like no tomorrow. "Uhh...sooooo, about my sword-fighting lessons..."

With his mouth still full of indiscernible foods, Ling attempted to speak. "Ufff fuuuufuuuufuufuufufuuufuuufufufu..."

"For god's sake, chew your fucking food!" Amaya snapped in annoyance and disgust. "Jeez man."

Shiro scowled in jealousy at her friend.

"What?" Amaya asked as she met her eyes.

"Nothing," Shiro growled through gritted teeth. She stabbed her spoon through the bowl of cereal she had been eating and the table, spreading milk all over her lap. With a deep, enraged breath, she slowly stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to take a shower now." She began to walk away, but then paused. "Wait, Edward?"

"Hmm?" Edward replied as he looked up from his bowl, his mouth half-full.

"Since you're teaching Amaya alchemy, and Ling is teaching her sword-fighting, will you teach me hand-to-hand?"

Ling, completely misunderstanding the unfamiliar term, glowered at Edward just as harshly as ever.

Edward swallowed and his eyebrow creased in question. "Hand-to-hand?"

His anger growing, Ling gripped the table with such force that it nearly snapped under his fingers.

"Are you alright, my lord?" Lan-fan asked in concern as she reached for her weapon.

"I'm fine, Lan-fan," Ling whispered with a forced smile. "Just _fine_!"

"Ya know, hand-to-hand _combat_. Fighting. Martial arts. Punching. Kicking. Hand-to-hand!" Shiro explained.

"Oh," Edward said simply. "That makes sense. Okay."

Shiro seemed surprised by his response. Normally, Edward would have turned down that suggestion in a heartbeat and fought it with all his being. But given his promise from last night, and his "better understanding" of them, he was quick to say yes. "Okay!" she said cheerfully.

The room went quiet again as she walked out.

~~~~~~~~~~After Shiro gets out of the shower~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro walked back to the hotel living room, Amaya coming into her sight. The shorter fangirl greeted her friend with a deathly glower.

"Seriously, Shiro. What?" Amaya asked, a bit annoyed and confused.

"Nothing," Shiro responded once more. She looked over to Ling longingly and saw him glaring at Edward.

Amaya and Edward's eyes met for a moment, each filled with disbelief at the sheer stupidity of the two sitting across from them.

Slowly, Amaya brought her palm to her face and groaned again. She leapt from her seat and cried out, "FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

Both Ling and Shiro jumped back in fear.

Amaya stomped over to them and pointed in Ling's face. "_You_ like _her_! _She_ likes _you_! Okay?! Now work it the fuck out!" She huffed in relief and fell back into her seat.

Ling and Shiro's eyes met, at first their expressions were completely blank. But then both of their faces practically exploded with redness.

"I-I...umm I...hi?" Shiro stuttered.

"...Hi?" Ling replied timidly.

"Wow," Ed mumbled. "That was ….anti-climatic."

Given a few moments to ponder her situation, Shiro looked down at the table sadly as she came to a grave conclusion.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked in concern.

Ling, who had had his mouth open to ask the same thing, scowled at Ed as if to say, "Really?!"

"Well, I like Ling. And Ling likes me. And it makes me really happy. But, this is gonna break my heart when I have to go back home."

Everyone flinched as Edward slammed both of his hands down on the table. "I won't allow it!" he shouted determinedly. "I promise, I'll see to it that neither of you ever have to go back to that place!"

"Really?" both girls asked in bewilderment. "REALLY?!" they squealed, eyes glowing brightly with happiness.

"And I promise that when he fails, I will be there to protect you!" Ling chimed in.

Edward glanced in indignation at the prince. But he quickly turned his focus back on the girls. "A few days ago, I would have let you go back without a word. But it has become clear to me that neither of you belong there. You never did."

Amaya, genuinely touched, put a hand to her chest and said, "I feel so loved."

"More than we ever felt back home!" Shiro intervened dramatically, taking the touching speech less than seriously.

"That is not your home!" Edward snapped, slamming his fist down on the table once more. "_This_ is your home now!"

Both of the girls shrank back again, hardly believing how protective he was being. "Dude," Shiro whispered. "He's super cereal about this shit."

"No kidding," Amaya whispered back. "It's so fucking awesome!"

"I knoooooow!"

Edward suddenly reached out and grabbed Amaya by the wrist, pulling her out the door. "Come on, your alchemy lesson starts _now_!"

"Ed you're suddenly so swee- OW you're fucking automail grip hurts!" Amaya exclaimed.

Ed stopped and looked back at her. Amaya half expected him to insult her for being a wuss or something of the sort. But instead he switched to his normal hand and kept walking.

"Aww-AH!" Amaya cried as he pulled her away quickly. "Man, you're fast for a little guy!"

Now only left with Ling, his bodyguards, and Al, Shiro stared at the door in complete utter befuddlement and said, "Eh?"

~~~~~~~~~~After Amaya's alchemy lesson~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro stood (for once) tall atop Al's shoulders as they strolled through Central looking at the shops, posing like a pirate searching for treasure. "Friends ho!" she shouted as she spotted Amaya and Ed coming towards them.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiirooooooooo!" Amaya shouted as she ran towards them in excitement.

"Amaaaaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa!" Shiro shouted back as she jumped down form Al's shoulders.

The two girls hugged as they collided. Amaya was quick to pull away, eager to give some good news. "Guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat?!"

"Whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat- "

"Shiro!"

"...What?"

Amaya pulled a small object out of the pouch which hung at her left hip. "I did my first successful transmutation!" She showed the tiny stone object to Shiro, it looked something like a cat but was slightly misshapen. "It's a kitty!"

"YAAAAAAAY! Kitty," Shiro cheered.

The smile suddenly fell from Amaya's face as she looked at her creation. "Okay great, you've seen it. Now I can get rid of it," Amaya said as she threw the cat figurine over her shoulder.

But then Ed reached down to pick it up. "But this is your first successful transmutation. Don't you want to keep it as a memoir?" he asked as he held it back out to her.

"Ehhh...I thought about it but...it just looks so bad! I want it to be perfect! It _has_ to be perfect!" Amaya half-growled, looking in disdain in what she still considered a failure.

"In case you haven't noticed, she's a biiiit of a perfectionist. Anything that she creates that is not perfect in her eyes should be doused in holy water and set aflame," Shiro clarified.

"Right," Ed sighed in exasperation. "Well, I think I'll keep it anyway," he said as he slipped the figure into his pocket.

Amaya looked at him in horror. "Why would you do that?!"

"It's a marker," Edward replied calmly, on the verge of laughter. "When you _do_ make a perfect one, you can compare the two to see how far you've come."

"Awww," Shiro cooed at the sentiment.

Amaya smiled at him and gave in. "Fine, keep it. Just don't show it to me again until that day."

"Yea, cause she'll have a panic attack!" Shiro warned.

"And my eyes will bleed!" Amaya exagerrated.

"Alright I get it," Edward sighed in aggravation. "It's a deal."

"Great! Sooo, what do we do now?"

"Weeeeeeeeell, we can go shopping!" Shiro suggested.

"But we're broke!" Amaya pointed out. "We really could use some new stuff though..."

"What do you two need to buy anyway?" Alphonse asked.

Both girls looked down at the ground in shame. Amaya awkwardly kicked a loose pebble on the sidewalk and remained silent.

"Ummm...weeeell...we-we uhh...kiiiiinda only brought... one change of clothes?" Shiro explained timidly.

"How could you?!" Ling shouted out of the blue. "How could you idiots actually only let them pack one change of clothes?!"

"Shut up you squinty eyed bastard!" Edward snapped back. "We weren't there when they were packing!"

"We're sorry," Shiro squeaked shyly.

"Why did you pack so little anyway?" Alphonse asked mildly.

"We really didn't think we'd stay very long," Amaya admitted.

"Why the hell not?!" Edward asked frustratedly.

"Umm...we...thought you'd force us to go back to our old world," Shiro whimpered near tears.

Edward's expression immediately softened and he completely deflated. _Did they really think I __was that awful?_ He thought. He stared at the ground in guilt and muttered, "Fine, let's go get you both some clothes."

"Yay!" Both girls cried.

~~~~~~~~~~At a large clothing store~~~~~~~~~~

The girls stared in amazement at the plethora of clothes that surrounded them. Almost instantly, Shiro assumed what is known as the turtle position. (a/n Shiro: It's basically me putting my head down and hunching my shoulders, but still looking up.)

Amaya glanced at her slouching friend and rolled her eyes. "Come on, stand up straight. No one is going to eat you."

Shiro widened her eyes and looked at Amaya as if she had spoken a taboo. "But there's people," she whispered fearfully.

"I don't like people either," Amaya admitted, drawing an insulted look from a random passerby. "But they're mostly harmless. ...Mostly."

"There's too many!" Shiro whispered frantically.

"Wow, you actually made yourself shorter!" Ling observed tactlessly.

Shiro tilted her head up at the prince and hissed, "Shut up."

"You actually made brother look taller," Al added, making one of his rare snide comments towards his brother.

"Shut up Al!" Edward snapped.

"Now if you'll excuse me," Shiro spoke up. "I'm going to hermitize myself in a dark corner." She shuffled over to the farthest corner of the store were all of the dark clothing was.

"So much for color," Amaya lamented as she followed.

By the time the taller girl had made it over, Shiro was staring intently at a wall of different colored gloves. Predictably, she grabbed a black pair, a white pair and a purple pair.

"I can kinda guess what those are for," Amaya said with a wink. "The plan's tonight right?"

"Right," Shiro confirmed.

Amaya remained silent for a few moments at she shuffled through a rack of shirts. But at last, she spoke up. "It's pretty cool how Edward is being nice to us now. But...I kinda feel guilty."

"But why?" Shiro asked. "We _kinda_ told the truth about how terrible our lives were."

"Yea," Amaya sighed. "But we didn't tell them the real stuff. I mean school was fucking awful, not as awful as we made it sound of course, but it was a cake walk compared to what our families put us through."

"Well, if they knew the truth, they'd want to keep us somewhere safe instead of letting us fight with them," Shiro pointed out.

"Yea, maybe," Amaya agreed. She thought back to the very last time she had saw her father alive. Tears had been rolling down his face as he begged her not to leave just yet. Amaya had promised that she would come back and visit him soon, but she had never gotten that chance before that last drop of liquor did him in.

And Shiro never even spoke of her family much at all.

Amaya knew better than to mention family in front of Shiro, so she quickly changed the subject and pulled Shiro by her arm and pointed to a nearby rack, "Come on, I see some awesome trench-coats over here!"

"Uhh...okay?" Shiro conceded.

The girls went about their day of shopping, the word "family" left completely out of conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip again~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro and Amaya walked ahead empty handed as Al and Ling carried the few bags they had purchased. Alphonse had offered to carry them all, but Ling had insisted on carrying Shiro's clothes in particular. (a/n Amaya: ...creepy dude.)

Everything was quiet save for Shiro and Amaya's typical babbling, but then Edward spoke up. He caught their attention and asked, "I just wanted to know, ...why would your families allow you to go through that?"

Shiro's jubilant expression abruptly vanished and was replaced by one of bitterness. "I'm gonna walk further ahead...I think I just saw something interesting." She shuffled off rather quickly without offering any further explanation.

Amaya looked back and forth between Ed and Shiro as she diminished into the distance. "Uh, I'm gonna go follow her. But just for future reference Ed, never _ever_ mention family to Shiro."

Edward blinked in confusion, "Why not?" he asked, understanding brimming in his tone despite himself.

"Just trust me, don't," Amaya deadpanned. "Our families never had much of a choice." She turned away. "Shiro!" she cried as she rushed after her friend.

Edward, Alphonse and Ling all stopped mid-step as they looked out after the two fangirls. Shiro had stopped to stare expressionlessly at a fountain as Amaya caught up to her.

_There's something they're not telling us_, Edward thought. "You think they would trust us by now," he lamented gravely.

Al and Ling said nothing, but silently agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~Later that night~~~~~~~~~~

The clumsy cadence of snores filled the hallways of the hotel. But the two girls did not care, for they did not plan to sleep anytime soon. "Hurry up!" Amaya prompted urgently. "It's almost time!"

"I'm trying! You can't rush genius!" Shiro hissed. "...Or magic for that matter!"

"I know, but remember what's at stake here!" Amaya reminded her.

"I do remember!" Shiro assured. "But if I rush too much, it may not work."

"Alright fine," Amaya huffed. She was only silent for a few moments before she quickly added, "Just hur' up."

Shiro paused in her stitching to give Amaya the "really?" look.

Amaya looked wide eyed at her as her hands trembled with impatience.

"Hopeless," Shiro mumbled with a roll of her eyes. She finished up her last few stitches and held up the completed doll to admire her handiwork.

"Is it done yet?!" Amaya hissed, on the verge of growling.

"Just one more thing."

Amaya groaned and fell back on the bed.

Shiro took out the jar of Armstrong sparkles and placed the doll inside, giving it a good shake.

"So that's what those were for," Amaya deduced. "I thought you just wanted something shiny."

"Not this time!" Shiro exclaimed. "The book said to use something that sparkles, but was not glitter or a material possession. I tried to use those fake rhinestone things, but we know how that turned out."

"Weird," Amaya said. "Anyway, let me see it." Shiro handed the doll to Amaya, who took it as if it were a bomb. When she was sure that it wasn't going to explode, she closed her fingers around the doll's head. "Let's hope this works," she whispered.

With that, she bent the doll backwards as if snapping a bone.

~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile, in the darkness of Central~~~~~~~~~~

Maes Hughes ran urgently through the night, clutching his left shoulder as blood ran between his fingers, desperately searching for a secure phone line. He had just found out that someone in the higher ranks of the military might be eavesdropping on military lines to keep an eye on any talk of corruption in the military.

At last, he spotted a deserted phone booth and quickly attempted to get connected with Roy Mustang. While being put on hold, after a heated argument with the operator he heard the click of a gun and the words, "I'm going to have to ask you to put down the receiver, please."

He turned to see the image of Maria Ross standing behind him, pointing a gun in his face. But he knew immediately that the image was a lie. "You look just like...but you're not!" Hughes growled. "Who the hell are you lady?"

"I'm Second Lieutenant Ross sir," the imposter said. "You've lost too much blood."

"Drop the act already," Hughes commanded. "You're not Second Lieutenant Ross. She has a mole under her left eye!"

The imposter smiled sickeningly. "You're observant, can't believe I forgot." The imposter touched its left cheek, and in it's place the skin mutated with a red glow, a mole replacing bare skin. "How do I look now?"

"This is not happening, please tell me I'm hallucinating or something," Hughes pleaded.

"You're a smart man Lieutenant Colonel, did you ever think it would be the cause of your death?" a gravelly voice asked him.

"Come on, have a heart will ya? I've got a wife and daughter waiting for me," with hardly a pause, Hughes whipped a blade out from his sleeve. "So the last thing I'm gonna do...is die on them!" He turned around and his eyes widened in horror. The image of Maria Ross no longer stood before him. The imposter had taken up the image of his own wife.

That sickening grin returned to the imposter's face. "You look surprised!"

"What the hell are you?!"

A shot rang out into the deathly silence of the night.

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUN!

Amaya: Bet you're wondering what's gonna happen next, weeeeeeell you're gonna have to wait! We're gonna start working on the new chapter right now, but there's no way in hell that we're gonna finish it by tonight.

Shiro: It totally looks like we just made everyone relive Hughes' death. We sowwy! ...Not really.

Amaya: In case you haven't noticed, that last part was one of the few parts that we enacted word-for-word from the show more or less. That won't happen often, but we felt it was necessary here. We even watched a Youtube clip of Hughes' death over and over again for you people! I hope you're happy!

Shiro: Aaaaanyways, read and review peoples! We love yous!

Amaya: See ya next chapter!


	6. Can We Call You Daddy?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: I can already tell this if gonna be a long chapter based on me and Shiro's ideas. So we'll make this brief again.

Shiro: …I had lots of sweet tea! Suuuuuuugaaaaaaar! ...I has to potty now.

Amaya: ...Lovely. One last thing though, ...Huuuuuughes! *swoon*

Shiro: And you thought _I_ was the only one!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA

Chapter 6

~~~~~~~~~~Early that next morning~~~~~~~~~~

"AHH!" Amaya cried as Ling's blade sliced the air an inch in front of her face. "Watch it! You almost cut off my fucking head!"

"Oh you're fine!" Ling said dismissively. "It would help if you more focused~"

Amaya rolled her eyes. Ling may have been right, but focus was pretty much out of the question at the moment. Her thoughts were filled with worry for Hughes. If Shiro's plan had worked, he could still be breathing right now. But if it failed...

"Helloooo?" Ling called as he waved his hand in front of Amaya's face.

"Huh? What?!" Amaya growled in irritation.

Ling jumped back, startled by Amaya's aggression. "You kind of...stopped moving."

"Oh," Amaya sighed. She knew her anger wasn't necessary, but she couldn't help herself as she thought about the possibly fallen Lieutenant Colonel. In a burst to hide the worry on her face, she flashed her blade at the Xingese prince, bringing the tip an inch from his throat. "Then let's move."

He held up his hands in surrender, but the smile remained on his face. "Okay." With that, he easily parried her blow, nearly sending her stumbling to the ground.

"I wasn't ready!" Amaya cried comically, all of the badassery disintegrated from her expression.

"Hey, you touched my boob!" Shiro whined tiredly to Edward.

Edward, his face almost completely red, retorted, "Well I didn't mean to! You were _supposed_ to be _blocking_!"

"I tried! But I can only block one of you, and there's two of you!"

Ling, instantly furious at the sound of Shiro's cry, whipped his head around to glare at the tiny alchemist, ready to slice him apart.

As a result, Amaya actually managed to strike a thin crimson line across the prince's face. "Oh crap!" she exclaimed, lowering her sword and covering her mouth with her free hand. "I'm sorry!"

"Eh?" Ling said, oblivious as always.

"Uhh...," Amaya hesitated. "You got a little uh...laceration on your face there."

"Huh?" Ling reached up to touch his face, and his hand came away with blood. "GAH! BLOOD! My faaaaaaaace," he sobbed.

"Amayaaaaaa," Shiro whined, "Edward's a terrible teacher!"

"I know right?" Amaya answered casually.

"I'm right here!" Edward shouted.

"I know you're over there...and there," Shiro almost drunkenly slurred.

Amaya facepalmed. "This is what we get for staying up so late."

"Why were you up late?" Al asked from the side.

Amaya froze. "Uhh...things."

"Things you say?" Ling implied pervertedly.

"I _will_ cut your other cheek!" Amaya threatened.

Ling perked up, suddenly coming up with a brilliant strategy to keep Amaya's focus. "I'd like to see you try!" he teased.

A fire suddenly ignited in Amaya's eyes, she lifted her blade to strike. "AHHHHH!" she screamed as she rushed in.

But with another flawless parry, her sword was sent out wide again.

"Damnit," she grumbled.

"I hate you for making me stay up late," Shiro groaned, still not noticing Ling's injury.

"You know we had to!" Amaya retorted.

"Shut up, leave me 'lone," Shiro whined.

"Why was staying up so important?" Ed asked suspiciously.

"Because things!" Amaya exclaimed. "Things, okay?!" With a sudden realization, and desperate to change the subject, she looked from Shiro to Alphonse. "Actually Shiro, why didn't you ask Al to teach you hand-to-hand? He's way better at it than Edward."

"Hey!" Edward snapped, his pride wounded.

"...Yeeeaaaa," Shiro nodded in agreement. "Al, would you teach me?"

"Um... okay?" Al acquiesced.

"Great. You always has to learn from best," Shiro explained sleepily. "I learns Al stuff and Amaya learns Ed's stuff."

"What about Ling's stuff?" Ling chimed in.

Before Shiro could answer, she closed her eyes and dozed off freakishly quick (a/n Amaya: Cause seriously, holy crap. You should see her sleep.), faceplanting into the ground.

Ling fell to his knees as he cried ludicrous tears, having felt left out. (a/n Both: We needed a new word for "comical" so neh.)

Amaya clapped her hands together to get the prince's attention. "Hey! Let's get back to me slicing you up!"

"Okay," Ling squeaked.

~~~~~~~~~~Later~~~~~~~~~~

That afternoon, the group was headed down to Central headquarters once more. Edward and Alphonse had gone to visit Mustang earlier that day whilst Shiro napped. But now Roy had wished to see both of the girls for whatever reason. Strange...

Shiro and Amaya tried not to openly show their anxiousness, but they were eager to see if Hughes had made it through the night.

"Hurry the FUCK up you guys!" Shiro shouted over her shoulder. In an attempt cover up the urgency in her voice, she quickly added, "Uhh...we don't want to keep Mustang waiting do we?!"

"Right!" Amaya agreed. "...Now pick up the pace!"

"They're strangely excited," Al observed.

"No Al," Edward chuckled. "That's just them."

As they finally arrived at headquarters, Shiro and Amaya passed by a fully uniformed officer that they did not recognize. They expected him to just walk past them, but instead he stopped as he caught sight of them. He removed his hat from his head and held it to his heart in salute. They noticed an odd, unexplained sympathy in his eyes.

When the officer finally walked on, the girls looked at each other in confusion. "That was weird," Amaya said.

"Uhhhh...maybe he just mistook us for someone else," Shiro suggested.

"Maybe," Amaya agreed, dismissing the matter as they rushed into the building at last.

On their way to the Colonel's office, the girls began to notice that _everyone_ they came across either saluted them, or took off their hats and placed them upon their chest in the same fashion that the unknown officer had.

"Okay, not _everyone_ can mistake us for other people!" Shiro denoted.

"No kidding. I mean, how many other people have purple or white hair?" Amaya figured.

"Maybe we're just imagining things! Let's just get to Mustangs's office before we get too freaked out!"

Trying to ignore all of the strange salutes, Shiro and Amaya hurried through the halls of Central headquarters. Finally, they arrived at Mustang's office and slammed the door open in their usual sense.

"We're here!" the girls announced, flinching cautiously as they prepared to be yelled at.

But what followed was silence.

They peeked from between their fingers and noticed that Roy was sitting quietly at his desk, not seeming angry at all. In fact, he seemed a bit sad...

"Oh my god," Amaya gasped. "It didn't work."

"It _had_ to work!" Shiro whimpered, on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry," Roy murmured sympathetically.

"Huh?" Amaya said.

"I don't understand," Shiro whined. "I'm scaaaaaared!"

"I had a little talk with the Elric brothers this morning," the Colonel continued. "My condolences."

Shiro and Amaya slowly turned to face Ling and the Elrics.

"What did you guys _do_?!" Amaya demanded in alarm.

"Now I'm _really_ scared!" Shiro whined once more.

"It's not our fault!" Al explained defensively. "Armstrong forced it out of us!"

Speak of the devil. At that moment, Armstrong burst into the room and locked the girls in a tight embrace. Amaya gasped for air and Shiro's back popped several times under the force of Armstrong's ridiculous strength, she was out cold within a few moments. "Oh Shiro! Amaya! I never would have imagined that delicate flowers such as yourselves would have to deal with such hardships at such a young age! And to think that lovely young ladies who smile so much would cry themselves to sleep at night!"

"Uh, thanks for your sympathy," Amaya choked, still hardly able to breathe. _But we don't. _Abruptly, she remembered why they had been so quick to get here in the first place. "Hughes!" she gasped.

"What?" Armstong said, dropping the both of them.

Shiro fell into a puddle on the floor, her back slightly bent. "Ling, help," she pleaded.

Amaya, far more concerned with Maes Hughes than her fallen friend at the moment, rushed up to the Colonel's desk and slammed her palms down upon it. "Where is Hughes?!" she commanded to know.

Roy's brow creased in curiosity at the near-panic in her voice. "In the infimary."

Pure joy nearly overwhelmed Amaya as it was confirmed that Shiro's plan had worked. "He _is_ alive," she gasped. "Wait... infirmary?!" She turned and made a dash for the office door, nearly bowling Edward over.

"Thanks Ling," Shiro said when she was on her feet again. "Amaya, where you go- wait...HUGHES IS ALIVE?! YAY! Wait...Lust...Amaya...Hughes...Shoulder...Infirmar y...AMAYA NO!" She rushed after her friend, and everyone else trailed after her.

As Amaya reached the infirmary area, she slowed her sprint just a little so that she could read the names on the door. At last, she came upon the name she had been looking for: "Hughes, Maes". She grasped the knob and swung the door open. "Hughes! Are you alright?!"

Lieutenant Colonel Hughes looked sleepily up at Amaya, having clearly just awoken a few moments before. "Yea," he answered with a yawn and a stretch. "Is it hot in here or is it just me?" He threw off the flimsy hospital blanket that covered him, revealing his bandaged torso.

Amaya's eyes widened in amazement, covering her face with her hand - particularly her nose - as she stumbled back into the hallway. "It's definitely you," she answered dreamily as her heart quickened and nose blood dripped in between her fingers.

Down the hall, the thunder of several running footsteps could be heard. "Is it really that bad?!" Alphonse cried in alarm when he saw the state Amaya was in.

Shiro glanced into Hughes' room, which confirmed her suspicions.

"No," Amaya whispered with a delirious smile. "It's amazing."

Everyone looked to Shiro in confusion, wordlessly asking for an explanation.

"She has a thing for bandages," Shiro translated simply with no hesitation whatsoever.

"Why would you tell them that?!" Amaya snapped, turning as red as the blood on her face.

"They were gonna find out sooner or later!" Shiro argued.

"But why did they have to know now?!"

"Because you nearly raped Hughes!"

"I would do no such thing!"

"You were thinking about it!"

"Shut up! I was not!"

"_You_ shut up tall person! And yes you were!"

"You really wanna get into heights right now _shorty_?! And no I wasn't!"

"I'm the one who saved his life! You couldn't do anything for him without me! ...And I'm not short!"

"Hey, you may have made the doll, but I still helped!"

"Yea, you bent it! I could have done the same thing! Without me you wouldn't have had anything to bend!"

"Maybe, but you didn't, did ya? DID YA?!"

"But you insisted on doing it!"

"I wanted to be involved! Why the fuck do you think I'm learning alchemy?!"

A deathly silence followed that last comment as the girls glared at each other.

"...Okay," Edward said, interrupting the silence. "Now it's weird."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

But the tense moment was only fleeting before all the anger vanished from Shiro's face, replaced by comical tears. "I'm sorryyyyyyyy!" she cried as she hugged Amaya. "I didn't mean to yell at you!"

Amaya, stubborn as always, tried to remained stone-faced. But after a few moments, she too fell victim to the same guilt as her friend. "I'm sorry too!" she cried. "I admit, it was your plan, it was all you!" She sighed, not looking at or speaking to anyone in particular now. "It's just...well, it was _Hughes_, I felt like I should have been a part of it somehow."

"I know you wanted to be a part of it!" Shiro bawled. "But I shouldn't have told your secret! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay," Amaya assured her. "Although everyone is gonna hide their bandages from me now," she pouted.

"It's okay, everyone hides the sugar and caffeine from me now anyways," Shiro soothed.

"But what will I do without the bandages? The glorious bandages!" Amaya whined ravenously.

"And what can I do without sugar? The delicious...nummy...sugar!"

"...Good point," Amaya concurred.

Everyone looked on in frustration, trying to make sense of the girls' incoherent babbling.

Roy, being the first to regain his wits, suddenly became super cereal as fuuuuuck. "Wait," he began. "What were you two talking about just now?"

"Sugar and bandages?" Shiro replied questionably. "Look, I don't know what _your_ kink is but-"

"Not that!" Mustang growled as he turned red, a vein ticking in his temple. "You said you were involved with something! What was it?"

"Well I don't know about Amaya, but I'm involved in occult," Shiro chattered. "It's scary business there, I mean really freaky! When they told us to drink dog's blood, ugh! But you see, I kinda passed on that test, but no one realized that at that point. Cause like, dog blood is just...no."

The short fangirl almost continued with her crazy-ass jargon, until Roy stepped closer, a firey aura burning around him. "I'm going to ask you one last time," Mustang snarled through gritted teeth, reaching into his pocket for his gloves. "What were the two of you involved in?"

"Heyyy that's cheating!" Shiro whined. "I don't know how to make a shield with my spells yet!"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHIRO, SHUT UP!" In a panic, Amaya took something from her bag and threw it at Shiro's head.

Hughes sat up in his bed as he recognized the strange shape of the object, "That...that looks just like the thing that..."

Everyone turned towards Hughes, seeing the horrified expression on his face. But then they slowly looked to the two girls, who looked very very guilty.

"Ehehehe..." Shiro laughed awkwardly. "You see...ummm...Amaya you explain!" she blurted as she hid behind her taller friend.

"Hell no, it was your doll!" Amaya pointed out.

"But you're the one who messed with it!"

"But it was _your_ plan!"

"You're the one who said you wanted to be involved!"

"In the rescue, not in this crap!"

"You helped, now you explain!"

Intense heat enveloped them as a stream of fire roared above their heads.

"EEEEEP!" Shiro cried out in fear. "But I didn't do anything bad this time!"

Amaya ducked, for the flames had just barely missed singeing her hair. She was pale with terror as she looked up at Mustang, more angry than ever it seemed.

"Explain," he hissed, readying his fingers for another snap.

"WEJUSTWANTEDTOSAVEHUGHESSOWEMADETHATCREEPYVOODOOD OLLANDDESTROYEDITABUNCHOFTIMESOHE'DHAVETIMETOGETAW AY!" Shiro screamed, practically sobbing.

Mustang relaxed a bit, having somehow understood at least _part_ of her explanation. "Wait, slow down!"

"IKNEWISHOULDHAVEMADEANOTHERDOLLOFLUSTSOTHATHEWOUL DN'THAVEGOTTENHURTATALLBUTIWASTOOBUSYTRYINGNOTTOLE THIMDIE!" Shiro continued. "PLEASE DON'T HURT MEEEEE!"

Mustang sighed in vexation. "I'm not going to hurt you," he assured them, removing his gloves. "Just calm down."

"I don't wanna diiieee," Shiro bawled.

As the color returned to Amaya's face, she at last began to speak. "Okay, it's like this..."

She continued to explain how the two always seemed to know what was going to happen next, and why they had created the Envy voodoo doll.

"We didn't know how much something like this could alter the timeline here," Amaya admitted. "But...we couldn't just let Hughes die!"

"Yea, cause we like Hughes! And Hughes no allowed to die no more," Shiro finally popped in as she emerged from her fearful state.

A stunned silence followed Shiro's last word. It seemed that no one really knew what to say.

But at last Hughes broke the silence with the sound of his goofy cheerfulness. "Awww you're such sweet little girls!"

Both the girls froze in shock. "You had to bring up the L word," Shiro rasped half-menacingly. "...Can we call you daddy?" she asked sweetly a moment later.

Beads of tears formed on the corners of Hughes' eyes and a warm smile spread across his face. "Of course you can," he answered.

"YAY!" Shiro cried joyfully. "Um...daddy?"

"Yes sweetheart?" he said.

For a moment, Shiro could not answer, for her and Amaya nearly keeled over from sheer happiness. When she at last composed herself, she pointed an accusing finger at Edward, "Edward had icky dreams about our boobies!"

Edward's face flashed red. "You have to bring that up now?!" he shouted. But then with a pause, nervously added, "I mean...that never happened!"

Hughes' wrathful glare fell upon Edward.  
Mustang on the other hand, was trying to contain his snickering in the background.

With hardly a wince, Hughes arose from his bed, grabbed Hawkeye's gun from its holster and pointed it between Edward's eyes. "Do we have to have a talk, Edward Elric?" he asked with a chilling calmness.

Both girls watched in bemusement and then locked eyes with one another. "...WE HAS DADDY NOW!" they squealed in delight.

Sweat poured down Edward's face as he looked into the gun barrel. "They're lying I swear!" he yelled in panic.

A dark aura spread around Hughes. "Are you calling my little girls liars?" he asked as he placed his thumb on the safety, a malicious glint shining in his eye.

"NO! NO I WASN'T!" Edward shouted as he waved his arms frantically.

"It's okay daddy, it was just a misunderstanding!" Shiro said pleasantly.

Only a moment later did his violent aura dissipate into his usual cheerfulness. "Oh. Well I'm glad to here that!" He tossed the gun back to Hawkeye and traipsed back to his bed. When he looked up at the girls once more, his face became a mask of compassion. "I heard how life was for you both before you met the Elric brothers."

"Does _everybody_ know?!" Amaya complained rhetorically.

"Maaaaybe," Ling piped up in his usual obliviousness.

"Ling, do I has to talk to daddy?" Shiro threatened.

"Talk to daddy about what?" Hughes demanded, his dark aura fast returning.

"Nothing!" Ling cried in panic.

Hughes looked to Shiro, all of the seriousness still evident on his face. "Is this true?"

"He wants to make me a princess," Shiro chirped. "And I like him!"

"Oh he dead," Amaya murmured under her breath.

"Please don't kill him daddy," Shiro asked like an innocent five year old.

Hughes paused for a moment, his eyes locked on Ling once more. "...Okay."

Ling gave a sigh of relief.

"But only if you marry her first!" Hughes lashed out threateningly.

"Okay!" Ling agreed swiftly, shaking slightly with fear.

"Yep," Shiro nodded. "I'm gonna be one of fifty one wives!"

"...Okay _now_ he dead," Amaya mumbled.

Several flashes of silver flew across the room, suspending Ling from the wall by several knives. There was still one left in Hughes' grasp.

Ling flailed around desperately, trying to loosen himself from the wall. "Lan-Fan! Fu! Let me down, I don't want to die!"

"Please tell me she's wrong," Hughes' deathly tone sent a chill down everyone's spine.

"Iwasplanningonchangingtraditionanyway!Ionlywanton ewife!" Ling practically screamed as he cried comically.

Once again, Hughes' dark aura vanished and his usual uplifting grin returned. "Glad to hear it!" He exclaimed brightly as he put the last of his knives away. "Now Shiro," he said as he lowered himself to one knee. "You be sure to tell daddy if he's lying to you."

"Okay!" Shiro giggled. Behind her, she could still feel the rare but still familiar heat of Amaya's dangerously aggressive jealousy. "So what happens when Amaya finds a boy boy?" she asked.

Amaya perked up in curiosity, her jealousy faded but didn't completely dissipate. "Yea, what would you do...daddy?" The last word felt strange, for it had long grown cold on her lips. But it still felt right.

With hardly a pause for thought, Hughes' chin quivered at the thought. "You two just grow up so fast! I hope it doesn't happen anytime soooooon!" Hughes blubbered emotionally.

"Hughes, they've only been calling you 'daddy' for the last five minutes," Roy interjected flatly.

"Don't listen to uncle Roy, you two!" Hughes cried. "He's just jealous that you didn't call _him_ daddy first!"

"Uncle Roy?!" Mustang catechized in shock. _What the _hell_ have you gotten me into Hughes?!_

Amaya tapped her chin in contemplation and pointed at Hughes. "So if you're daddy, Edward is brother and Roy is uncle...then who is..."  
Everyone turned their attention to Hawkeye.

The sniper threw up her hands and quickly made herself scarce, only offering the words, "I have something to do." On her way out, she heard Shiro's voice call out to her: "Bye auntie Riza!" Hawkeye's head dropped as she groaned in exasperation.

"Ya know, it's almost like we have our own new f-...family!" Shiro jolted at the foreign word on her tongue.

Edward, who had been quietly watching the entire spectacle, noticed the girls' hesitancy to say certain words. But with an abrupt jolt of realization, he shouted, "Wait! When did I become brother to you two?!"

Amaya looked at him as if he were brain-dead. "Duh!" she interjected. "Since yesterday!"

"When you promised to protect us from icky things," Shiro said charmingly as she stomped harshly down on the forgotten Envy voodoo doll. "Wait a minute..." she said as she looked down upon it. "Daddy, what _did_ happen last night?"

Slightly startled by her question, Hughes' eyes widened at the memory. His expression became grave as he tried to recall the events of last night. "Well, you probably already know what caused this," Hughes began, gesturing to his wound. "And from what you've told us, you know everything up until the shot that would have killed me. But you see..."

~~~~~~~~~~Flashback of doooom~~~~~~~~~~

"_I was almost certain that I was about to die." _

Hughes flinched as the gun fired, any moment now expecting a burning pain to erupt in his chest. But he only heard the sound of shattering glass behind him.

"_The bullet had just barely grazed my shoulder, I couldn't believe I was still standing." _

The sound of Roy's voice could be heard on the receiver as the phone dangled by its cord. "Hughes, I don't have time for daughter stories," the Lieutenant Colonel heard faintly. "Hughes? ...Hughes?!"

Hughes' hand trembled feebly as he reached for the receiver. "Roy, I don't have much time to explain," he rasped into the phone as the imposter writhed unnaturally on the ground. "Just meet me at the bar as soon as you can!" He left the phone hanging loosely off the hook as he hurried away, still clutching his profusely bleeding wound.

"_I didn't exactly make it to the bar...more like the alley outside of the bar."_

"_You didn't make it to the alley behind the bar, Hughes. You made it _three_ alleyways down from the bar," Mustang corrected. _

Mustang found Hughes lying motionless in the alleyway. He was still breathing. But just barely.

"_I remained calm because I wasn't too worried. I knew he'd pull through," Mustang continued._

"Hughes...Hughes!" Roy fell to his knees beside his oldest friend. "Good god, what happened to you?!" On the verge of tears, he continued to cry out, "Don't you die on me! You promised you'd stay behind me and support me all the way!"

_ "You're such a bullshitter, Uncle Roy!" Shiro and Amaya cut in. _

_ "Don't interrupt Uncle Roy!" Mustang froze as he realized the words that had come out of his mouth. He continued as it nothing unusual had occurred. "...Ahem. Now where was I? Oh right, like I said, I wasn't too worried."_

_ Hughes smiled as he too interrupted, "I was still a little bit awake ya know," he informed the Colonel. "You bawled like a baby." _

_ "Awwww!" the girls cooed._

~~~~~Flashback end! Because Roy wants to keep his man card~~~~~

"Long story short, I brought him back here and he's fine," Roy quickly concluded. He glared out the window as his face glowed red.

"Man up Uncle Roy!" Amaya teased.

"Yea, at least auntie Riza wasn't here to hear it!" Shiro chirped happily.

The girls looked up and away as Roy directed his flustered glower upon them.

Hughes yawned, the strange ordeal of the last half hour had tired him out.

"Come on, he needs his rest," Mustang prompted as he walked toward the door.

"Okay, but can we has hugs first?" Shiro solicited innocently.

"Of course sweetheart!" Hughes permitted sweetly as he held out his arms.

Shiro took up his embrace first, foreseeing what was about to transpire with Amaya.

"Okay my turn!" Amaya urged as she pulled her friend away. She wrapped her arms around Hughes and he returned the embrace. "I can die happy now," Amaya whispered to herself, feeling as if she were floating.

Hughes tried to pulled away, but found that the taller girl still clung to him. "Uhh...sweetie?" he cajoled.

_Sweetie! He called me sweetie! _Amaya screamed with joy in her mind, still refusing to let go.

"'Mayaaaaa, you gots to let him gos nowww," Shiro whined. "He has to sleeeeps we can come back laterrrrs."

"Not done!" Amaya hissed.

"If you no let goes, he get worser and he go bye byes," Shiro warned.

"AHH!" Amaya shrieked in terror, instantly releasing him.

Hughes sweatdropped. _I have strange daughters, _he thought with a smile.

"Bye daddy!" Amaya chorused as she waved.

"We see you latwaz~" Shiro called back.

"Bye my little angels!" Hughes replied with a grin.

Calmly, everyone walked out of the infirmary, including the two girls. All was well until...

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

All of the guys in immediate presence clutched their ears in pain.

"What the _hell_ was that?!" Roy blurted.

Hughes, having heard the outburst, then thought, _...Very strange daughters. _He soon drifted off to sleep again, a smile still on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~Back in Roy's office (A-FUCKING-GAIN)~~~~~~~~~~

The only occupants of Mustang's office at the moment were Ed and himself. Al and Ling were busy _attempting_ to keep the girls amused.

"Mustang," Edward started firmly.

"What?" Roy answered exhaustively.

"Did you notice how they were speaking earlier?" Ed asked gravely, knowing that Roy would know who he was referring to.

"What? Like people who belong in an asylum?" he answered sarcastically.

"I'm serious Mustang," Ed's voice was raw with concern. "They don't talk about their families."

"Neither do you," Roy deadpanned.

Ed slammed his fists down on the desk. "That's-...different."

"You of all people should know, Fullmetal," Mustang uttered. "When people don't talk about their families, it never means anything good."

Before Edward retort, the door burst open behind him.

"Uncle Roooooy!" Shiro whined. "We're boooooooored!"

"And hungry!" Amaya added. "But from the looks of it, your military food tastes like ass."

"Well at least it doesn't try crawling off your plate like school food!" Shiro chimed in brightly.

"...True," Amaya concurred.

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Mustang grumbled in annoyance, his eyebrow twitching sporadically.

The girls thought it over for moment, and then their faces lit up with an idea. "Let us cook!" they proclaimed together.

"NO!" Roy shouted in alarm at the thought of the base exploding. "No no no no no nooo no no...no!"

"Why noooooooot?" Shiro fussed.

Amaya pouted and gave a huff of frustration. But then a sly smile crept across her face. "Weeeeell, if you insist," she said coyly. She snapped her fingers at Shiro.

"Nyama?" Shiro squeaked in question.

"Take out your phone," Amaya whispered discretely.

"Oh...Ohhhh!" Shiro produced a strange device from her pocket that was unknown to the two state alchemists. Before they could question it, she pulled up pictures of exceptionally scrumptious looking entrees.

"If you don't want to try any of this," Amaya started as she pointed to the first picture. "Or this," Shiro slid over to the next image. "Or this...or this...or this... or this...or _definitely _this," the last image was of a medium rare steak with a creamy brown sauce dribbled over its entirety, "then we understand."

"You can just keep eating your military food!" Shiro offered. "I think it looks like this right?" She presented a picture that contained a plate of boring, unappetizing, colorless food.

"It does look like that," Roy reluctantly agreed as comical tears flowed down his face.

"Welp," Amaya said, clapping her hands together. "We'll see you later Uncle Roy!"

"WAIT!" Mustang called out, desperately reaching towards the departing pair.

"Yeeeeesss?" The two girls harmonized maliciously.

"You can use our kitchen," he whined in defeat.

"YAY!" the girls rejoiced.

"But wait...," Shiro contemplated. "What if that icky stuff is all that they have in that kitchen?"

"Well...then we'll have to go food shopping," Amaya concluded with a shrug.

Before the girls could even look to Edward for funding, Mustang practically threw a ginormous wad of bills their way. "Just take my money!" Roy begged.

Shiro clawed at the sailing money wad, but Amaya caught it with a single hand. The shorter fangirl threw up her hands in defeat. "Always!"

"I can't help it if you can't catch," Amaya teased.

"Shut up!" Shiro snapped back, insulted.

Ling, who had snuck in earlier along with Al, snickered at Shiro's misfortune. "I didn't know you couldn't catch," he chuckled.

Shiro stopped and glared at him. "Do I has to say the daddy word?"

"NO I'M SORRY!" Ling panicked.  
"Hurry up!" Roy growled ravenously.

"Oh right!" Shiro perked in alertness. "I'll go to the butcher, you go to the produce market. And then we'll meet back up to get the rest!"

"Got it!" Amaya agreed in determination.

The two girls got into a two-person huddle and put their hands one on top of the others. "Aaaand BREAK!" they shouted.

Shiro, being the dumbass that she is, leapt out of the window. While Amaya, being more sensible, made a dash for the door.

Edward looked at Roy condescendingly, who was still partially draped over his desk. "You're pathetic!" he snapped.

"At least I didn't drool!" Roy snapped back.

Ed paused for a moment to wipe the trickle of spittle off his face. "At least I didn't act desperate!" he argued.

"You're both pathetic! Now shut up!" Hawkeye barked in irritation...and hunger.

Al sweatdropped and shook his head._ For once, I'm glad I can't feel hunger_, he thought.

Ling whimpered like a kicked puppy, and the only thought he could conjure seemed to be that of, _Foooood_.

~~~~~~~~~~Out at the market~~~~~~~~~~

"You got everything?" Amaya asked, holding several bags of produce and trying to catch her breath.

Shiro gasped similarly, having just run to meet up with her friend. "Yea...everythiiiiing."

"Great," Amaya sighed. With a smile she said, "Hopefully we got enough for everyone."

"Yep!" Shiro agreed cheerfully. "Now les go!"

As the girls turned around, they were instantly greeted with a wall of sheer muscle. "Hello ladies!" Armstrong bellowed.

"AHH!" the girls jumped back at the Major's sudden appearance.

"Hi tall person!" Shiro greeted as she composed herself.

"What are you doing here, Major?" Amaya asked.

"I heard you ladies were preparing a feast for Mustang and the Elric brothers!" With a bow, he added, "If you don't mind, I would also like to partake!" Suddenly, he produced a giant bag of collected money. "As would the rest of Central headquarters!"

The girl's eyes grew wide. They locked eyes and joyous smiles spread across their face. "SWEEEEET!" they cried.

"Okay, you go back and get some more meat, I'll get more fruits and vegetables!" Amaya strategized.

"Right, BREAK!" Shiro shouted.

They ran off in opposite directions, leaving Armstrong scratching his head. _Which one do I follow?_ He wondered.

The already distant voice of Shiro then cried, "MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!"

~~~~~~~~~~Arriving back at Central~~~~~~~

The heads of every officer in the hallways of headquarters turned as they saw the small parade of food before them. Armstrong carried the bulk of the load, but Shiro and Amaya still appeared to carry enough to make a normal person's legs buckle underneath them. But the burden did not seem to bother them at all as they strode toward the kitchen.

It was not long before the girls had all of the chefs standing out in the halls with everyone else, looking very annoyed, but still curious all at once.

Soon after the girls had lain out the raw ingredients before them, delicious aromas began to waft from the room, making their way down the hall and into the Colonel's office.

"They're back!" Edward announced excitedly.

Roy's eyes popped open.

Ed, Ling and Roy looked at each other knowingly, and bolted for the cafeteria.

Ling, exceptionally hungry, practically flew past Mustang and Edward. Ignoring everyone else outside the cafeteria, who were waiting somewhat patiently, Ling pushed past them all and tried to make his way into the kitchen.

BOP!

"Owwwww!" Ling whined. "What was that f-" he stopped dead as he looked up to see a floating wooden spoon. "GHOST SPOOOOON!" In a panic, he ran back out into the hall, nearly running Edward into the ground.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Edward snapped as he shoved the annoying prince away.

"SPOON! FLOATING! GHOST! AHHH!" Ling screamed incoherently.

"There aren't any ghosts here!" Edward proclaimed. But then he paused as he considered the prince's naïve tendencies. "But...there have been _a lot_ of people who have died here," he said with a mischievious grin.

"Aaahhhhhhhhh!" Ling wept. He could almost feel the cold brush of lingering souls against his form.

"Ling," a voice whispered in his ear.

"BACK DEMON!" Ling cried frantically, almost jumping to the ceiling.

But he only found Shiro looking back at him in exasperation. "Well, that's not the first time I've been told that. And Ling," she paused to make sure the superstitious prince was paying attention. "The kitchen is enchanted," she said at last. "Calm down."

"Enchanted?" Edward said incredulously. "That's ridiculous."

A slow, creepy smile spread across Shiro's face. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," she informed innocently.

"Everyone go wash their hands!" Amaya ordered from behind her. "You too Uncle Roy!"

The Colonel looked as if he were about to protest, but the looks that the girls gave him allowed no such thing. With a groan and a roll of his eyes, he departed from the hallway along with everyone else.

However, before Edward could continue to walk away, he found that he was somehow looking down on everyone around him instead of up. He glanced down to see that he was floating in mid-air! "What the hell?!" He cried in alarm as he flailed wildly, trying to get his feet back on the ground.

Shiro continued to smile maliciously, moving her hands in a mysterious pattern.  
"Put him down Shiro," Amaya said, attempting to hold back laughter. "We have work to do."

"Okaaaaay," Shiro sighed with a snap of her fingers.

At that, Edward fell to the ground...head first. "OW!" he grunted.

"And _that_ was enchantment," Shiro commented airily.

Without another word, the tiny alchemist simply followed everyone else.

When everyone returned, they inhaled in awe at what laid before them. The tables were adorned with satin navy blue tablecloths and vases of red roses. Between each vase nestled a basket of fresh, golden brown rolls. In front of each seat sat the main entree, a well-done, tender, juicy steak with a creamy brown sauce drizzled all over it, accompanied by stir-fried vegetables in a soy-sauce glaze. Off to the side there was a steaming bowl of cream of mushroom soup.

Every. Single. Jaw. Dropped.

"It's even better than in the pictures!" Mustang sobbed happily, wriggling with joy.

Everyone joined in the odd, joyous dance. "Yeeeess," they all sighed in unison.

"And to think," Shiro interrupted.

"You haven't even tried it yet," Amaya finished for her.

Everyone froze.

_ 3...2...1..._

The entire mass of Central headquarters made a mad dash for their seats. Instead of instantly digging in, like the girls perceived, everyone paused for a moment as if they didn't know where to start. Almost simultaneously though, everyone reached for a bread roll. Everyone seemed to take their first bite of the grand feast all at once.

A chorus of moans filled the large room.

Shiro and Amaya shared a glance in bafflement. "Dude, it's like we started an orgy in here," Shiro whispered.

"I know right?" Amaya replied. "How bad _is_ their normal food here?"

Shiro's eyes widened in horror. "Do you think it was as bad as our school food?!"

Equally horrified, Amaya replied, "That would be awful!"

It was not long before all of the plates were empty. Polished clean even!

"Everyone!" Amaya called out cheerfully. As everyone looked up at her, she announced pleasantly, "Time for dessert!"

Everyone's eyes widened, as if to ask, "There's more?!"

"Yes, but only if you close your eyes~!" Shiro sang.

"No peeking!" Amaya teased.

Everyone hesitated, thinking that the motion of covering their eyes was childish.

"Close 'em!" the girls demanded.

Reluctantly, everyone obeyed.

Within a mere minute, they heard Shiro's voice say, "Okay, you can open them!"

Another collective gasp filled the room as they looked upon the display before them. Before everyone sat a small, elegant plate containing a single white and red cupcake. And in place of the empty bread baskets sat a marvelous fruit display.

"The cupcakes are my own special red velvet recipe with a rich butter cream frosting that was made from scratch!" Amaya announced proudly. With a wink, she added, "And an even richer surprise inside."

Without any reluctance whatsoever, most everyone in the room immediately bit into the sweet confection.

But Ed and Roy, specifically, hesitated at her tone. They looked suspiciously at the tall, sword-wielding fangirl.

Amaya looked back at them in irritation. "Seriously guys?" she sighed. "They're safe! See?" she explained as she grabbed a cupcake and shoved it into Shiro's mouth.

Shiro's eyes widened as the sugar registered in her system. "Om...nom...NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM SUGAAAAAAAAAR!" she shouted.

Ed and Roy sweatdropped, now even more suspicious.

"Okay, bad example," Amaya admitted. "But they _are_ safe."

"I like sugar," Shiro announced happily. "I like sugar! I like sugar! Ed...I like sugar!"

Edward facepalmed in exasperation. "Okay fine, it's safe," he surrendered as he bit into it. His face lit up at the unexpected chocolaty taste. "_More_ than safe!"

Roy, surveying Ed's reaction, took a tentative bite. In typical anime fashion, Roy's eyes turned into hearts. He set the cupcake back on his plate and attempted to bow down to it, whimpering, "I am not worthy...I am not worthy...I am not worthy."

"Who's drooling now?" Ed taunted with his mouth full.

Roy stopped and glared at the Fullmetal Alchemist, slowly sitting back down in his seat. "None of you saw that," he said flatly. He picked up the cupcake again and flushed with delight as he bit into it a second time.

"Right, Uncle Roy," Amaya teased.

"Okay Uncle Roy!" Shiro added chirpily. "Oh yea, don't forget the fruit everyone! Fresh from the market! There's strawberries, red and green apples, pineapples, and various types of melon!"

Amaya perked up as if she had remembered something important. "Wait! We forgot to bring some to Hu- ...I-I mean daddy!"

"DADDYYYYYYYY!" Shiro yelled. "We can't let him eat that icky goo-mush!"

"Exactly!" Amaya exclaimed, suddenly very determined. Quickly, she rushed back into the kitchen and grabbed the platter they had set aside for the Lieutenant Colonel, temporarily forgotten in all the excitement. Swiftly but carefully, Amaya rushed for the infirmary. "I'm coming daddy!"

"Wait for meeeee!" Shiro squeaked as she trailed after her.

Meanwhile, in the infirmary Hughes poked unenthusiastically at his...mush. "I miss Gracia's cooking," he lamented as he cried comically.

But then from a distance, he heard two voices cry out, "DADDY!"

The sound of thundering footsteps could be heard down the hall outside, progressively getting louder. Predictably, the door to Hughes' room swung open a moment later.

"We made it!" Amaya gasped.

"Yes, we did!" Shiro exclaimed excitedly, still buzzing from her sugar high.

Hughes looked on in confusion, his fork still half an inch from his mush. But typically, he smiled kindly a moment later. "Hello sweethearts!"

"Hi daddy!" Shiro chirped delightfully.

By some miracle, Amaya managed to keep hold of the platter, for she felt as if she would melt were she stood.

"We brought you foods!" Shiro announced, pointing sporadically to the platter.

"Huh? Oh right!" Amaya reddened as she snapped back into attention. She held the platter out to Hughes and said, "We hope you like it!"

"Well isn't that sweet of you both!" Hughes complimented as he gratefully took the platter. With hardly a pause, he tried the steak first. His eyes popped open and he grinned blissfully. "My little angels are such good cooks!" he proclaimed as he wriggled joyously. "You'll both make such wonderful wives someday!" Momentarily, Hughes froze and his expression faltered sadly. "Why do you have to grow up so fast?!" he blubbered comically. But almost instantaneously, he perked back up to his usual happy self. "Hopefully that doesn't happen anytime soon just yet! ...Or ever!"

"Wha?" both girls cooed in confusion.

Ignoring their somewhat question, Hughes went on to say, "Who ever would have thought I'd be blessed with three beautiful daughters instead of just one!"

A warm feeling spread out across Amaya's chest, she tried to stop herself, but couldn't help but whisper the words, "I love you."

"Hmm?" Hughes looked up at her with his fork still in his mouth.

_Crap_! Amaya screamed in her mind as she practically turned to stone.

"We love you daddy!" Shiro tweeted happily.

Hughes paused for a moment in surprise, taken aback by Shiro's words. But then a light blush spread across his cheeks and he wriggled in delight. "My little girls love me! I love you too!"

"Awww!" Shiro cooed.

Amaya, however, could only manage a small squeak. Her face glowed red and her legs seemed to turn to rubber. She nearly swooned until Shiro caught her.

"Oookay, 'Maya was in the kitchen too long!" Shiro explained awkwardly as she dragged Amaya out of the room. "Imma go take her to nap now!"

"Aww, that's too bad," Hughes said in concern. "Feel better sweetheart!" he called out to her.

_You're not helping!_ Shiro thought as Amaya slumped even further, practically burning her hand as she felt Amaya's heated skin. As she walked backwards, pulling Amaya's dead weight, she heard a soft voice behind her.

"Excuse me," the kindly voice said. "Is this where Maes Hughes is recovering?"

"Eh?" Shiro inquired as she dropped Amaya to the floor. "...MOMMY!"

Gracia Hughes looked at her in befuddlement, her equally confused daughter clinging to the back of her skirt. "Pardon?"

_What?_ Amaya thought venomously, recognizing the voice. She jumped to her feet and stared at the Lieutenant Colonel's wife, an aura of pure jealousy emanating around her.

Without offering any sort of explanation whatsoever, Shiro simply pointed to the room and said, "Daddy's in there."

"O...kay?" Gracia asked more than stated as she entered the room, Elicia in tow.

Shiro tapped Amaya's shoulder and prompted, "Come on, we has to go."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Amaya growled in determination. "And neither are you!" she declared as she pulled Shiro back into Hughes' room.

"Noooo," Shiro whined with very little of a struggle.

"Hi princess!" Hughes cried joyfully as he hugged his daughter close.

"We missed you daddy!" Elicia exclaimed as she returned the embrace with all her meager strength.

Hughes smiled profoundly as something occurred to him. _I couldn't even do this right now if it hadn't been for them._ A single tear ran down his face, but his smile remained.

Elicia looked up at him and gasped in concern. "Daddy, are you sad?"

"No, princess," he replied in a hushed tone. "Daddy's very happy." He looked up to see that Shiro and Amaya had entered the room once more. "Oh, my other two princesses!" he exclaimed.

"Huh?" Gracia asked in slight alarm, increasingly confused.

"It's a long story Gracia," Hughes began. "But these girls saved my life."

Gracia looked to the two of them. "Is this true?"

"...Uh huh," Shiro and Amaya squeaked in unison.

Hughes' wife smiled warmly and enveloped them in a grateful embrace. "Well whatever you did to save my husband, thank you."

_Your perfectness burns!_ Amaya growled in her thoughts, too petrified to hug back.

Shiro cried happy tears. "Thank _you_!" she replied as Gracia released them. "My real mommy would never...," she suddenly trailed off as if unpleasant memories had surfaced. "Excuse me, I forgot...something I had to do," she explained sadly as she left the room.

Amaya broke her jealousy barrier long enough to recognize her friend's distress. "I have to go," she excused herself. But she popped back in long enough to say to Gracia, "And don't worry, it's nothing you did. It's just...stuff." With that, she rushed after the distraught Shiro.

~~~~~~~~~~Back at the hotel with Ed, Ling and Al~~~~~~~~~~

The three boys were conversing about this evening's epic dinner when Shiro and Amaya at last arrived. The door slammed open to allow an emotionally distraught Shiro to dash to the girls' room.

Amaya trailed after her with equal urgency, only stopping long enough to say, "Don't ask."

The door closed behind them and did not open again until morning.

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: So much Huuuuughes! I is so happy now imma die.

Shiro: ...I swear, I didn't give her my brain!

Amaya: Uh...right. *ahem* You all heard nothing. Anyway, might I just say...

Both: BEST. CHAPTER. EVAAAAAAAAAR.

Shiro: Dude...this is like the best chapter we've done so far!

Amaya: And we keep saying that nearly every chapter. So you know it's just gonna get better!

Shiro: Aaaaaaaaand...we see you next chapter! It may be a while though *emo corner*.

Amaya: Right...read and review please!


	7. For the Best: Yea Right!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Shiro: Hi everybody! Sorry it took so long!

Amaya: Yeaaaa... we kinda got distracted by Uta no Prince-sama. It's not very hard to get distracted by a show like that, let me assure you.

Shiro: Mmmm-hmm! Especially when you're a hormonal teenage girl.

Amaya: It's one of the cheesiest anime I've ever seen but... I REGRET NOTHING!

Shiro: NOR DO I! But hopefully this long-ass chapter will make up for our terribly late update?

Amaya: Ehehe... please don't kill us.

Shiro: On wis ze chapter!

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA.

Chapter 7

"Those brats! I just _know_ they had something to do with that screw-up!" Envy raged. He, Lust and Gluttony had all gathered at a small-time diner, receiving many curious and terrified stares from the company within. But no one was stupid enough to actually walk up and try to throw them out. One young couple, who had been having lunch near the entrance, had been quick to scram once Envy had started yelling.

Envy was completely healed of all wounds from the night before. In fact, he had healed only minutes after that encounter, but the crippling pain he had experienced was not why he was angry. For the most part. Because of those girls, or so he firmly believed, Hughes had gotten away. Now he was free to warn the rest of Central about the traitor within headquarters.

"You mean those two little nobodies that we saw in the warehouse a while back?" Lust inquired uninterestedly. "What could they possibly do?" She smirked condescendingly. "Then again, they did scorch you pretty badly last time."

"Shut up! They got away out of pure luck! Just trust me on this! They weren't there in person, but I _know_ it was them somehow!" Envy insisted venomously.

Lust shrugged as if it hardly mattered. "Then what do you propose we do about them?"

"You remember what Father said," Envy hissed, a horrible smile spreading across his face. "He said that if they get in our way, then we kill them. They got in our way. So we'll kill them. It's as simple as that."

"And then I can finally eat them, right?" Gluttony pleaded, drooling hopefully. "Right?"

"Yes, Gluttony," Envy hissed as his smile grew, patting the drooling monstrosity on his bare head. "You can have as much as you like."

~~~~~~~~~~At the hotel room~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh good, you're finally awake." Amaya had looked up from the book in her hands just long enough to see Shiro arising from her bed. The purple-haired girl had awoken from a fitful sleep at dawn and had decided to "borrow" Edward's book on alchemy that he kept in his coat.

"Morning," Shiro grumbled. "Am I the dead-last one to wake up again?"

"I haven't been out of the room yet," Amaya paused as she glanced down at the book. "...Mostly," she added as she slowly set the book aside. "But I believe so."

"Uh-huh...so you 'borrowed' Ed's book again?" Shiro asked suspiciously.

"No, a magical little elf delivered an exact copy of it to me in the middle of the night," Amaya replied sarcastically.

"Really?!" Shiro perked up in excitement. "Do I get to meet him?"

"Sure, he's over there." Amaya pointed to the lamp on her nightstand.

"Ohhhh, so it's a lamp-elf!" Shiro exclaimed. "I see how it is."

Amaya facepalmed and sighed in exasperation.

"What? They exist!" Shiro insisted.

"Sure they do, Shiro. Sure they do." Amaya rose from her bed. "Let's just get moving."

Once the girls had prepared themselves for the day, they at last emerged from their bedroom. Only to find all three boys waiting for them restlessly in the main room, their eyes fixing immediately upon them.

_Oh crap_, Amaya thought as she quickly hid the book behind her back.

Shiro, instantaneously suspicious, was quick to declare, "I'm _not_ cooking breakfast!"

"It's nothing like that," Edward assured her, a serious edge in his tone.

"Then...what _is_ this about?" Amaya asked carefully, gripping the book tighter.

"What I want to know," Ed began as he arose from his seat, "is what was that about last night?"

"Was it something Hughes said?" Ling chimed in. "Did he say he didn't like your cooking?! It's humanly impossible to not like your cooking!"

Everyone seemed to ignore Ling for the time being, only fixating on Shiro as she fell silent. But at last she spoke up, "I'm gonna...go practice...changing my feet." With that, she quickly turned around and bolted back into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Edward rushed for the girls' bedroom door, but Amaya shoved him back.

"I _told_ you last night not to ask!" Amaya scolded. "I wasn't just kidding around ya know!"

"Well I think I deserve to know!" Ed argued.

"Oh _really_ now?!" Amaya retorted.

"You _did_ call me brother, didn't you?! I'm just doing what a brother _should_ do!"

The words Amaya had mentally prepared beforehand evaporated immediately. She had been thoroughly floored by Edward's proclamation. "D-don't pull that sentimental crap on me!" she stammered.

"Why?" Edward challenged with a smirk. "Because it might actually work?"

A vein throbbed in Amaya's temple, wishing she could slap that grin off his face. But instead, she slammed her fist against the wall behind her to ease her frustration. "Damnit Ed! I'm going to tell Hu- I mean... _daddy_ that you're trying to manipulate me!"

Ed's brow raised in curiosity, the smugness in his expression gone. He raised his hand and pointed to the fist Amaya had punched the wall with. "Is that my book?"

_What? _Amaya glanced aside, abruptly noticing that the fist she had slammed against the wall was the very same one that had been holding Ed's alchemy book. "Uhh..." A tension grew in the air, everyone stood motionless. But then, in a rush of panic, Amaya threw the book at Ed in the likeness of a shuriken and made a mad dash for the front door. "SEE YA!" she called back on her way out.

"Owww..." Ed gingerly rubbed the welt that rose on his forehead. He scrambled out the door in hot pursuit for Amaya. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!"

As the front door slammed shut a second time, Shiro poked her head out of the door. Her darkened eyes focused instantly on Ling. "Where are they going?" she asked irritably, seeming unusually glum.

"Uh...," Ling hesitated, shaking slightly. "...BYE!" With barely time to take a breath, Ling was out the door as well.

Shiro was left alone with only Al. "We might as well start our training for the day," Shiro stated flatly. "They probably won't be back for a while."

"Uh...right," Al reluctantly agreed.

Meanwhile, already halfway down the street... "Stop following me!" Amaya called over her shoulder in anger as Ed was beginning to catch up.

"Not until you tell me where you're going!" Ed demanded.

"You know damn well where I'm going!"

"Well, how do you know Hughes won't take _my_ side, huh?!"

"Because... because... shut up!"

About a quarter mile from Central, Ed managed to reach out and grasp Amaya's wrist, bringing them to a stumbling halt. "Let go of me you hotheaded little midget!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMPY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK WHO CAN'T EVEN OUTRUN A GIRL?!"

"_WHAT_ DID YOU SAY?!" Amaya threw all of her strength into her arm as she jerked her wrist away. "You are SO gonna get it!" She cried out threateningly as she ran on.

"Hey!" Edward diligently bolted after her again, this time running ahead of her instead of attempting to catch her.

Amaya's eye twitched maddeningly as he glanced back at her with a cocky smile. Nonetheless, she tried to her hardest to keep up with him.

As their chase took to the halls of Central Headquarters, officers wisely stepped out of their way. Ed was the first to reach the infirmary, promptly blocking the door to Hughes' room with his petite but solid frame. Amaya, who had been a few running strides behind, skidded to a stop in front of him.

Despite being half out of breath, the two of them predictably continued to argue, their heated outbursts overlapping into one loud mess of words.

"Get out of my way, Ed!"

"No! Not until you admit that you're being completely stupid!"

"Fine, I'll admit. _You're_ completely stupid!"

"Oh that's _real_ mature!"

"Who are _you_ to talk about maturity you little _twerp_!"

"Wha'd you say?!"

"You heard me! Besides, if you had left this whole thing alone we wouldn't be here right now!"

"Don't even sta-!"

The door swung open inwardly behind Ed, revealing a quite aggravated Lieutenant Colonel. "What is going _on_ out here?" Hughes commanded sternly.

Edward sprang back and away from the door, utterly startled.

Amaya sucked in a sharp breath of surprise. Although, her reaction had more to do with seeing Hughes' bandaged torso again rather than his stark tone. Her face glowed, but she somehow managed to keep her blood inside her body this time. Once she had regained her composure, she pointed accusingly to Edward. "Ed was trying to manipulate me, da-...uhh...er...uh...Ed was trying to manipulate me!"

A crestfallen expression overcame Hughes' face for a few moments. _Why is it so hard for her to call me daddy? _But then the anger kicked in. "Manipulate her to do what?" he growled at Edward.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold on a minute! She's exaggerating!"

"Ed, don't tell me you're calling my little girl a liar again," Hughes warned ominously.

"Don't start with that again, you overprotective lunatic!" Ed shouted, suddenly more aggravated than nervous. 

"I thought I recognized that commotion," Roy grumbled as he approached them from down the hall. "What the hell is it this time, Fullmetal? It's too early for this."

Amaya stepped in the midst of all of them and held up her hands to catch their attention. "Uh, I think I should clarify here," she interjected. "Ed didn't do anything like uhh..._that._"

"Anything like what?" Roy asked suspiciously, glowering at Edward.

"Oh come _on_!" Edward groaned in defeat.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Amaya ordered, causing everyone, including Hughes, to flinch. "What I meant was," she began slowly. "Shiro was upset about something last night, and now Ed can't just let. It. Go!"

Hughes' brow creased in concern. "Now that you mention it, what _was_ wrong with Shiro?"

Amaya's shoulders slumped in disbelief. "But...," Reluctantly, she glanced over at Ed to find him grinning victoriously. _I hate it when he's right. _"Okay fine," she sighed. "But you're all gonna want to sit down for this one, it's not a pleasant story." Once everyone had gathered in Hughes' infirmary room, Amaya cautiously began the tale. "School wasn't really me and Shiro's only problem growing up. In all honesty, the real damage came from our own homes. Shiro's parents were never good to her. When her mother wasn't ignoring her, she was beating her. Her dad wasn't quite as violent, but he was too drunk to care when she got hurt. When she was thirteen, they had another child, a little girl. And they conditioned their younger daughter to hate her.Because of this, she started cutting."

"Cutting?" Edward inquired with trepidation.

Without a second thought, Amaya grasped the hilt of her sword and released it from her belt loop. "Like this," she explained tonelessly as she held the blade's edge before her wrist.

"NO!" the three men cried in unison as they reached out to her.

"Don't do it Amaya!" Hughes blurted, on the verge of tears. "Daddy loves you!"

Amaya felt as if the floor beneath her had shifted askew. "Relax! I wasn't _really_ going to it!" she cried, her face taking on a rosey hue. "I was just demonstrating!" She paused for a moment to clear her throat and replace her sword in its loop, her tone quickly becoming grave once more. "Anyway, back to what I was saying. Shiro thought that the only way she could deal with anything was by hurting herself. If you look close enough, you can still see the scars on her arms. She always said she felt like she had nobody she could rely on. Especially since the rest of her extended family wasn't much better. If anything, they were worse." Amaya turned away slightly, tugging uneasily at her sleeve as the tension in the air grew thicker. She certainly wasn't enjoying any of this. "That's why I'm always so careful to never mention family in front of her. She's always known that family is supposed to mean something to somebody. But she never meant anything to _them_."

A shaky new voice resonated off the walls. "Has...has she ever tried to..."

Everyone faced the doorway in shock to find a still-panting, very troubled Ling, trembling and unable to finish his thought. No one bothered to ask why he had come along, they all simply turned back to Amaya, awaiting the answer to the grim unspoken question.

"A few times," Amaya confirmed quietly. "In fact, there was one occasion when I had to stop her myself."

The room fell silent as everyone let it all sink in.

"But things are better now!" Amaya went on, attempting to lighten the mood. "It's ancient history now." _Somewhat_. She sighed, her heart was heavy but she felt relieved at the same time. _At least that's over with. _

But then Hughes' gentle voice shattered her temporary calm."What about you?"

Thoroughly startled, Amaya jumped back a step, all of the tension she had relieved a moment before came crashing back down upon her. "What _about_ me?" she laughed apprehensively. "I um...Oh no, there's really not a reason to...Um, I should go now." Amaya averted her eyes from everyone as she attempted a hasty exit.

But the feeling of a strong hand catching her shoulder stopped her in her tracks. Amaya turned to find Hughes looking down at her with a forlorn, comforting smile. Gently, he then took her by both shoulders and lowered himself down to her eye level. "Amaya, it's okay," he assured softly. "You can tell daddy anything."

_Crap_, Amaya thought, quickly becoming just as misty eyed as he was. _I can't lie to that face. There's no way in hell! _"You don't need to hear my story," Amaya insisted stubbornly with a diminutive smile despite her thoughts. "You should just focus on Shiro, she's the one who needs comfort. She's the one who's had it rough. My problems are insignificant compared to hers."

Hughes pulled her in for reassuring embrace. "Nothing you could ever say would be insignificant," he whispered.

Breathlessly, Amaya tried to speak, but then Ed joined the embrace. Then Roy.

_They're trying to kill me! _Amaya thought as her heart beat rapidly. _This is ridiculous, I'm going __to die from sentiment!_

But then Ling joined in.

She sighed in slight relief. _That makes this a _little_ less intense. _"Alright I'll talk!" Amaya cried out, seemingly begging for mercy. "Just let go! I can't stand it!"

As they all pulled away, Ed turned to the Colonel and muttered diabolically, "Told you that would work."

Amaya glared daggers at the tiny alchemist, her brimming tears seeming to evaporate. "You little sneak," she hissed.

"I can't help it if you're more of a softie than you let on," Ed teased.

"I'll deal with _that_ comment later," Amaya said forebodingly. "Right now, I guess I should get the rest of this over with." There was a short break in her speech as Amaya collected her thoughts. At last, she began, "I was much luckier than Shiro. My mother and father loved me very much. But the problem was, they didn't love each other. Not anymore. But even after they split up, I had hoped that we could still be a happy family somehow.

"I lived with my mother, but I still saw my father on the weekends. For a few years, things seemed to be fine despite the distance between us all. What I didn't know is how much the divorce had damaged my father, and he had taken up heavy drinking. There were a few times where I wouldn't see or hear from him for months, and at the time I didn't really know why. But in the end, he wound up drinking himself to death. I didn't even _know_ he had a problem until it was too late. Despite his problem, he had never drank in front of me once in his entire life. My mother was a mess after his death. She blamed _herself_ for the longest time. ...And I blamed myself too. I felt like I could have stopped him somehow. I promised him I would come back to see him. But...," Amaya trailed off, swallowing the catch in her throat. She refused to shed a tear in front of all of them like this. "Anyway... there you have it. Happy now?"

Edward clenched his teeth hard, guilt quickly arising from within him. _Damnit, why do these girls always end up making me feel like an ass? _he scolded himself. 

With a heartbroken smile, Hughes began to speak, "I'm so proud of you girls."

Amaya's eyes widened in confusion. "What? But...why?"

"You girls have been through so much. And even then, you stayed strong." He grasped her shoulders a second time. "I just want you to know... that I love you. My little girls." Tears began to flow down his face, but his smile remained. "And I also want you to understand that you have a family now, right here. Both you and Shiro." his voice cracked upon finishing his little speech.

Amaya's expression seemed vacant and unreadable aside from the glimmer in her eyes. But her stubborn efforts where quickly proven to be all for naught, for the tears finally fell from her eyes as she blinked. _Dignity be damned_, she thought as she fell against him, locking him in a second embrace.

Roy, who had managed to at least _appear_ indifferent all this time, suddenly made haste for the door. "I...I have something to do out here," he explained chokingly before closing the door. Through the wall, the remaining four heard Roy wailing rather loudly despite his efforts.  
"Sir, what is it this time?" Hawkeye's patronizing tone could be heard on the other side.

"Nothing!" the Colonel exclaimed in alarm, his voice still thick with tears. "I had something in my eye!"

Amaya glanced aside just in time to see Ed brush his sleeve across his face. "Who's the softie now?" she mocked with a wavering smile even as her eyes continued to gleam.

"Shut up," Ed retorted, his rigid tone contrasting with the small smile on his face. "Anyway, we should probably get going."

"Yea," Amaya agreed with a sigh. "I don't think Al can handle Shiro all on his own."

Hughes held her out at arms length, tears no longer streaming down his face, there was only his inviting smile. "Come back later, sweetheart. And bring Shiro with you," he told her.

Amaya nodded, appearing at ease even though her heart fluttered rapidly within her. "I will," she promised.

"Good, I'll be right here," he leaned closer and sealed his own promise with a quick kiss on Amaya's forehead.

A good bit of Amaya's composure melted away as Hughes released her. She stumbled back and leaned on Ed for support, gasping slightly in shock as heat flared beneath her skin. _Seriously, Amaya?! Even after all _that_?!_ "Right! Let's just go!" she sputtered frantically. Ed began snickering as the two of them sauntered away, causing the very irritated Amaya to clench her arm tight around his throat.

"Gack!" Edward choked. "You wanna loosen your grip there?"

"No, I'm good," Amaya replied with a sly grin. She pulled even a bit tighter as she playfully added, "brother."

When they arrived back at the hotel, they found that their room was fully intact. But Shiro and Alphonse were not there. In turn, they went to the training grounds.

A few minutes later, sure enough, they found Alphonse and Shiro practicing hand to hand combat in the usual spot for their lessons. It actually looked as though Shiro were about to land one good blow, but then she suddenly found herself airborne.

"Oh no! I'm sorry!" Alphonse exclaimed as Shiro hit the ground. "I didn't mean to hit _that_ hard! You're not hurt badly are you?!"

Shiro looked up and smacked her lips. "Dirt doesn't taste nice," she stated flatly.

"She's fine," Amaya interjected before Alphonse could let off another stream of apologies.

"Oh brother, Amaya, you're back," Alphonse said as he noticed them at last.

"Sup," Shiro greeted as she stood up. "Where'd you guys go?"

"...Somewhere," Amaya answered vaguely.

Shiro paused, eyeing them both suspiciously. But as always, her true self resurfaced quickly. "Did they have cookies there?!" she blurted. "I knew it! You guys went off to eat cookies without me! Ling, how could you?!"

Ling appeared stricken by Shiro's words. Even though she was just being her eccentric self, the stories that he had heard this morning had shaken him. He rushed forth and practically tackled Shiro with a hug. "I'm so sorry, Shiro!" he sobbed. "I'll never leave you behind like that again!"

Thoroughly confused, Shiro reluctantly patted the hysterical Ling on the back. "Uh...it's... okay? It's not that big a deal, I didn't really _need_ any cookies." She looked to Amaya, her perplexion mounting. "Amaya, what's wrong with him?"

Amaya laughed nervously, "Ehehe...how should I know? He's _your_ weird ass boyfriend."

Shiro paused in contemplation, and then looked down at the still-clinging Ling. "Ling, sweetie, you have to get off of me SO I CAN FINISH TRAINING!"

"Okay," he whimpered as he let go of Shiro and flopped to the ground.

For a second time, Shiro looked to Amaya suspiciously. "Okay seriously, what happened?" she asked.

"Uhhh...," Amaya hesitated. But then she simply grasped Edward's arm and pulled him towards the other side of the lot. "Ed, I think we should start my alchemy lesson for the day now!"

Shiro gave her friend a squinty-eyed glare as she walked away. But then she simply shrugged. "Meh, oh well. Al~! Let's practice a bit more! Maybe I'll win this one!"

"Uh...okay," Al reluctantly agreed.

On the other side of the lot, Amaya was preparing for her own lessons. "Are you sure you can even concentrate on alchemy after a morning like that?" Edward asked with genuine concern.

Amaya shrugged. "I've kept my focus through worse."

Now it was Ed's turn to look stricken.

With a mocking smile, Amaya teased, "Are you gonna cry again?"

Ed fell back a step. "No!" he scoffed. He rolled his eyes and turned his head aside. "Stupid girl," he muttered.

Amaya crossed her arms with a huff. "Idget."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET?!"

"I said '_idget'_," Amaya clarified with heavy enunciation.

Ed's brow creased in befuddlement. "A _what_?" 

Amaya only smiled. "My point exactly."

"Hey Ed!" Shiro shouted, bringing Ed's attention to her. "Say idget reeeeeally slow!"

The tiny alchemist didn't say anything out loud, but his eyes did shift aside in contemplation. "Hey!" he shouted as the realization came, a vein pulsing in his head.

"Maybe we should just start," Amaya suggested, still grinning crookedly.

Ed groaned in frustration and threw up his hands in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled.

After each of the girls had had an extensive lesson, they took a little time to simply sit aside and relax. Shiro, who seemed to be ignoring the fiasco from this morning for the time being, began embroidering a strange pattern into her gloves.

"What are those for?" Amaya inquired curiously.

"Well, this symbol here," Shiro began as she pointed to an eight-pointed Celtic symbol on one of her black gloves, "is to increase damage. And this one," she pointed to a four-sided Celtic knot on one of her white gloves, "is to heal."

"You can already do stuff like that?" Amaya asked as a vein ticked in her temple, more than just an edge of jealousy in her voice.

"Well right now the effects are only minor for both," Shiro explained. "At least for my healing I can keep someone from dying for a little while. And anyways, I've been reading up on this before we even came to this world."

"Yea, but stuff like this didn't even work in our world. So you technically didn't start practicing it until we got here!" Amaya pointed out.

"Well you were able to make that figurine with alchemy without any previous practice," Shiro reminded her.

Amaya perked up a bit, but then her face fell almost an instant later. "Yes, but it _sucked_!" She exclaimed with comical tears.

"Well maybe if you had read up a bit on alchemy before we-" Shiro halted in her speech as Amaya glowered at her. "I'm gonna shut up now."

Amaya sighed, suddenly realized how self-centered she must sound. She swallowed her pride and gave Shiro a pat on the head, "Whatever. Just... good job. On everything."

A goofy looking smile spread across Shiro's face as she cooed delightedly, "Yay, I get praise!"

There was a lull in the conversation then. Shiro went back to working on her gloves, but Amaya's thoughts wondered back to Hughes' smiling face. The purple haired girl sighed contently as warmth overcame her. But when the mental image of him extended to his bare, bandaged torso, a realization hit her like a freight train. "Gahhh! Damnit! ...I think I have a problem."

"Problem?" Shiro asked, sounding strangely joyful about the notion. "What kind of problem?"

"You seem awfully cheerful about it," Amaya pointed out, annoyance creeping into her tone.

"Eh?" Shiro tilted her head to the side.

"Nevermind that," Amaya sighed. "Anyway, I'm talking about Hughes-"

"You mean daddy!"

"R-right," Amaya stammered. "Like I was saying, I love uh... daddy. But I think I'm still _in_ love with him. Is that weird?"

"Well, our situation was strange to begin with," Shiro reasoned. "We were interested in them before we even knew they were real."

"This is more than just some crazy fangirl love!" Amaya object. "We're a part of their _lives_ now!"

"Ehehe...," Shiro sweatdropped. "Uh...well again, you liked him _before_ he became daddy."

"That's what makes it harder!" Amaya slumped back again, looking very irritated with herself. "It's totally messed up isn't it?"

"Um...eheh...maaaaaybe a little," Shiro agreed.

"See?!"

"Maybe you'll find someone with a resemblance to Hughes or something at least...maybe?" Shiro said in an attempt to comfort her friend.

"Pfft, yea. That'll happen," Amaya scoffed. "But thanks anyway. I guess I'll have to figure something out."

"Mm-hmm! Just remember, he's daddy, not _daddy,_" she punctuated her last word with a smirk and a suggestive shake of her shoulders.

"Don't do that!" Amaya shouted as she flushed deep red.

As all of this was going on, Ling watched them both curiously from a distance. _What are they talking about?_ he thought. But then all of his thoughts seemed to fly away as he saw Shiro do her oddly seductive wriggle. His face flashed even more brightly than Amaya's and his normally narrow eyes went wide.

"Is something the matter, my lord?" Lan-fan asked cautiously.

"N-nothing!" Ling stuttered, repeatedly glancing back over to Shiro.

Both girls suddenly seemed to notice his frantic state. "What his problem?" Amaya asked.

Shiro shrugged. "For once, I have no idea."

~~~~~~~~~~Later, back at Central~~~~~~~~~~

As the group once again walked into Central Headquarters, a strange but familiar feeling overcame the two girls. Just like yesterday, all eyes seemed to be on them, hats held to their chests in salute.

"Don't tell me their still freaking out about our school crap," Shiro whispered to Amaya.

"Ehehe...maybe. ...And maybe some...other stuff," Amaya answered nervously.

"...What kind of other stuff?" Shiro provoked suspiciously.

"Uhh...well you see...Ed, you explain!"

"What?!" Edward snapped. "Why me?!"

"Because you made me come down here this morning!"

"What are you talking about? You came here on your own!"

"I'm not saying you literally dragged me here, but you _did_ piss me off!"

The two of them stopped dead as suddenly felt a deadly aura about them. "What. Is. Going. On?!" Shiro growled.

Everyone flinched, all of them some degree of terrified. Shiro was pretty damn scary when she was angry.

Back in his office, Roy was waiting patiently for his door to be bashed open.

Sure enough...

_WHAM!_

In a fit of rage, Shiro had Sparta-kicked the door open, dragging Edward and Amaya along by their ears behind her. "ALRIGHT! EXPLAIN!" she demanded.

Amaya cringed in pain and tried to pull away. "Ow! Shiro calm down! And let go of me, that fucking hurts!"

"She just told us all a little bit about your pasts - ow! - that's all!" Edward cut in.

"Like. What?" Shiro demanded as she twisted the tiny alchemist's ear.

"Amaya told us about your family," Roy explained calmly. "Or lack thereof."

"Oh," Shiro breathed flatly, letting but Ed and Amaya fall to the floor as they clutched their sore ears. "Well...that's fine. ...But don't you pity me!" she snapped. " I don't need anybody's pity!"

"Understood," Roy stated with a smirk.

"It should also be understood," Amaya intervened as she stood up, "that I didn't _want_ to tell them! They forced it out of me!"

"Oh really?" Shiro responded as she crossed her arms. "What exactly did they do to get you to talk?"

"Uhh...they...did things," Amaya answered vaguely.

"What kinda things?" Shiro provoked suggestively.

"Not those kind of things!" Amaya shouted. "But...just...things!"

"I reiterate, what kinda things?"

"...FINE! THEY HUGGED IT OUTTA ME, OKAY?!"

"Yeaaaa... that's totally _forcing_ you to do things."

"Shut up! You would have fallen for it just as fast! If not faster!"

"...That's irrelevant."

"Well, it doesn't really matter. It's all out in the open now," Amaya sighed. "And we can't take it back."

"Yea...can I see daddy now?" Shiro asked, seamlessly returning to her usual perky self once more.

"Sure," the Colonel agreed with a nod. "Come on."

"YAY! Follow Uncle Roy! Follow Uncle Roy!" she chanted merrily.

"Ugh," Roy groaned with a facepalm.

"Something wrong, Uncle Roy?" Amaya inquired playfully.

"...No," he groaned in defeat. _I guess I'm Uncle Roy now. Hughes, I can't believe you got me __into this._

On the way to the infirmary, a realization hit Amaya. "Shiro, do you really think it's safe for daddy to be here?" she asked. "What if the homonculi try to kill him again?"

"You're right... And remember, one _certain_ homonculus is in charge! And its not like the phone lines are safe here anymore either!" Shiro pointed out. "He needs to get out of here!"

"Then we have to tell him!" Amaya exclaimed.

By that time, they had already unknowingly reached Hughes' room. "Tell me what?" he said.

"Daddy!" both girls cried excitedly. Though Amaya's cry still sounded a bit forced.

"My little girls!" he cried in return as he took each of them in one of his arms.

Amaya nearly went limp. But she quickly shook it off to the best of her ability. _No! Remember what Shiro said! He's daddy, not_ daddy.

"So, what were you going to tell me?" Hughes asked a second time as he released them.

"Right! This is no time to be distracted by hugs!" Shiro said urgently. For one of the fairly scarce times in her life, Shiro seemed to appear and sound deadly serious. "Daddy, you need to leave."

"...What?" Hughes whimpered, obviously hurt.

"DON'T SAY IT LIKE _THAT_! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BE SPECIFIC?!" Amaya shrieked, hardly being able to tolerate the pain in his voice.

"Well, with a homunculus in charge," Shiro began to clarify flatly as if nothing had happened, "and seeing as how they've already tried killing you once, I hardly see how they wouldn't try again."

No one in the room said a word for a few lingering seconds.

"We've already discussed that," Roy said. "In fact, we already have a new location set up."

Shiro seemed to shatter, her eye twitching in disbelief. "The _one time_ I'm actually serious! And it means _nothing_!" she screeched dramatically. "Do you know how often that happens?! You'll never see it again in your lifetime!"

"I should have known that's what you meant!" Hughes expressed gleefully. "My girls do care about me!" With that, both girls received yet another hug.

_Stop that! _Amaya cried in her mind, nearly swooning again. _But_ don't _stop_. _...Damnit, why does __he have to be the perfect man?_

"Of course we care daddy! You're... the only daddy we've had in a really long time."

The memories of this morning's stories came flooding back in the form of tears. Hughes' voice wavered, but it was full of genuine determination. "That's right! And I'll be the best daddy either of you have ever had!" he promised as he hugged them tighter.

"And now I can't breathe," Shiro choked.

"I'm okay with not breathing," Amaya sighed listlessly. But then she shook her head, bopping herself hard on the temple. _Snap out of it! _

Hughes let them go a second time and stretched his long-idle muscles. "Well, I've been in this boring little room way too long. I should probably at least get down to my office and clean out what's left."

"We'll help you daddy!" Shiro offered joyfully while Amaya nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

"Wait," the Colonel intervened before they could leave. "You said a homunculus was in charage."

"Yea, you've considered it before, right? The Fuhrer is a homunculus," Amaya indicated.

"...That would explain the notebook," Roy sighed, surprisingly less than shocked.

"You mean this one?" Shiro asked as she pulled the notebook from her coat.

"You carry that thing around?" Edward inquired suspiciously.

"Yea, I carry this around too!" Shiro proclaimed as she also pulled out the Edward plushie.

Edward flinched and backed away.

"Relax Ed, it doesn't work anymore anyway," Amaya reminded him.

"Just don't make me angry okay?" Shiro said with a menacingly pleasant smile.

"Right," Ed confirmed nervously.

"Now where were we? Oh right! We were gonna go help daddy with his office!"

As they made their way to Hughes' office, Amaya dragged behind, eyes downcast in dejection.

"What's wrong, Amaya?" Shiro questioned sympathetically.

"It's just...that _problem _I have that we talked about earlier," Amaya answered, gesturing discreetly to Hughes. "I still haven't figured out how to fix it. Ya know what I mean?"

"Umm...yes?" Shiro said hesitantly, obviously unaware of Amaya's intention.

Amaya shook her head and facepalmed. "I'm still in love with Hughes!" she mouthed silently.

"Ohhhhh...sorry, can't help ya there," Shiro said with a shrug.

"Thanks a lot," Amaya groaned. _There has to be _someone_ that can fill the void!_ She thought dramatically.

Subsequently at that thought, Amaya could have sworn she saw a second Hughes walking past her in addition to the one in front of her. Only the second one was much shorter and more youthful...

The name popped into her head suddenly. _Sgt. Major Kain Fuery_. Amaya stopped and turned to look at him.

Almost as if he felt her stare on him, Fuery turned around and met her gaze.

_Supporting cast or not, how could I have forgotten about him? _Amaya offered him a smile that was much more um...friendly than she initially intended, crossing her arms and wiggling her fingers in greeting.

Fuery's face reddened slightly as he smiled back at her, giving her a brief wave. The smile fell from his face, but his blush deepened the moment he realized that he had stopped walking. He quickly turned away and continued down the hall.

"Yes, he'll do nicely," Amaya stated with a predatory smirk. She too turned away and rushed to catch up with the group, beaming all the way.

"Why are you so happy all of a sudden?" Shiro asked.

"Ohhhhh, no reason," Amaya said innocently. "But I think I've just found a solution," she reported as she swayed gleefully back and forth. Her lips curled up deviously. "Besides, he better fits my tendencies anyway."

"Oh crap," Shiro groaned in exasperation. "Daddy's not gonna like this."

~~~~~~~~~~In Hughes' office~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro, Amaya, Edward and Alphonse all helped Hughes to gather things around his office and packed them into boxes. Along with several pictures of his wife and daughter.

"Daddy, you have a lot of pictures of mommy and sister," Shiro commented.

"Oh please, those don't even scratch the surface," Roy cut in.

"What? You can never have too many pictures of the people you love!" Hughes exclaimed defensively. "In fact...," he rummaged through his desk drawer and quickly found a camera. "Say cheese girls!"

"Eh?" the both of them tilted their heads in confusion as Hughes snapped the first picture. But they quickly got a hold on the situation. "Cheese!" they sang cheerfully, smiling as Hughes flashed the camera a second time. In the third picture, Shiro held two fingers behind Amaya's head. In the fourth picture, Amaya stood behind Shiro with a teasing grin as she pointed to Shiro's breasts. In the fifth one, it seemed that the two girls had gotten into a quarrel.

After Hughes had separated them, he pointed the camera to Colonel Mustang. "Alright, let's get a picture with Uncle Roy!"

"Yay!" they cried. Shiro came up from behind and jumped on Roy's back, while Amaya simply tackled him from the side.

A vein throbbed in Mustang's forehead in irritation as the girls clung to him. But then a moment later, he sighed as an exasperated smile spread across his face. He wordlessly gave in and looped one arm around Amaya's shoulders and held Shiro's leg up with the other arm.

"Cheese!" they exclaimed as they pressed the side of their faces to either side of Roy's.

"Is that all?" Roy whined.

Shiro and Amaya glanced at each other deviously, both with the same thing in mind. "Nope!" they chirped. In almost perfect sync, the girls turned their head at the same time and planted a kiss on each of the Colonel's cheeks.

"Awww, how cute!" Hughes exclaimed as he snapped the picture.

Roy stood there dumbfounded for a moment as he thought, _What was that about? _

"I see you're not as horrible at handling children as I thought you'd be."

The Colonel was nearly startled halfway across the room at the sound of Riza Hawkeye's voice behind him.

To the side, Shiro and Amaya did their best to contain their giggles. They were not doing too well.

"Okay, Edward's turn!" Shiro called out cheerfully, as Roy continued to sputter.

"Oh crap," Ed groaned. "Just don't do that to _me_!" he commanded firmly.

"We won't," Amaya promised with a less than promising smile. With that, she rested her arm upon Edward's head and leaned against him.

Shiro did the same while leaning on Edward's shoulder.

Edward did not look pleased.

This time Hughes had to wait a few moments to stop laughing before taking the picture.

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Edward shouted furiously as he pushed the girls away, nearly sending them toppling to the floor laughing.

For the next few minutes, the office seemed alive with laughter and smiles as Shiro and Amaya collected more and more photos. They took a few more photos with Edward. And then Alphonse, and then Ling, and finally Hughes of course. They even managed to convince Riza to take a snap or two with them.

But their fun was interrupted as Sgt. Major Fuery rushed urgently into the office with a small stack of documents in his hands. "Sir! We've received a report that Scar has been sighted in the area again!" He quickly explained to the Colonel as he handed over the documents.

"Good work, Fuery," Mustang commented flatly as he carefully began to scan the pages, sounding more like an officer in that moment than he had all day.

Fuery glanced aside, his eyes meeting with Amaya's. _That's the girl from the hall before, _he thought as he smiled politely at her.

Amaya smiled back at him, but then a curious thought entered her mind. _What would happen if I gave him my bedroom eyes? _The purple-haired girl lowered her chin and allowed her forget-me-not colored eyes to slide half shut, creating a rather blatantly bewitching stare.

Blood rushed to Fuery's charmingly innocent face, clearly stunned by her sudden come-hither demeanor.

_How adorable_, Amaya thought, mercifully dropping the act for the time being. She repressed a laugh as she thought, _Yep, he's definitely the perfect solution_.

But there seemed to be an abrupt tension in the air. Amaya turned to notice that Hughes had been observing her's and Fuery's little wordless interaction. It seems as though those father-like instincts were kicking in. Hughes slowly approached Fuery, a vigilant gleam shining behind his glasses.

"L-lieutenant Colonel Hughes," Fuery stuttered, trying to at least _appear_ composed and official. "Is there something I can help you with, sir?"

"Yes," Hughes answered without a lick of hesitation. "You can tell me what your intentions are with my daughter."

"I-intentions? I don't have any intentions with her, sir!" Fuery explained frantically.

"Oh... So you're saying my daughter isn't good enough for you Fuery?!" Hughes snapped.

Fuery turned desperately to Roy, completely at a lost of what to say. "Colonel...help?" he pleaded.

Mustang glanced up from the report and smirked maliciously. "Just be careful around my niece, alright?" he warned only half-jokingly.

"Yay! Now he really is Uncle Roy!" Shiro cried cheerfully.

Fuery paled as both of the superior officers seemed to tower over him.

"You can relax, daddy," Amaya regarded brightly with a smile. "I really only meant to say 'hello'."

"What kind of 'hello' was that?" Edward whispered to Shiro with a roll of his eyes.

"A sexual one," Shiro answered blatantly with a cheerful smile upon her face.

Edward cringed and backed away a couple of steps. "It was a rhetorical question!"

Hughes paused for a moment after Amaya spoke, a trifle surprised. Suddenly, it seemed as though that word that had been so difficult to say before now rolled off her lips just as easily as it did for Shiro. "Alright angel," he said with a smile. "And Fuery..."

The Sgt. Major flinched slightly as Hughes turned to him. But he relaxed just a little as he looked into his eyes, where he found...gratitude?

However, this gentleness was fleeting before that threatening gleam returned to Hughes' eye. "Watch your step around my daughter," he warned intently.

"Yes sir," Fuery acceded shakily. He dismissed himself quickly afterward, walking stiffly and cautiously to the door.

"Later," Amaya called out as he left. Though it sounded more like a vow than a simple farewell.

Hughes glanced back and forth between Amaya and the departing Fuery. _My little girl is growing up too fast!_ He thought as comical tears flowed down his face.

Amaya laughed nervously when she glanced over to Hughes' face. _Maybe I should dial it back a bit_, she figured. _For daddy's sake_.

~~~~~~~~~~On the way back~~~~~~~~~~

"Edward!" Shiro called out as they all headed back to their hotel again. "Can we ha-"

"No," he groaned.

"But what abou-"

"No."

"But-"

"No!"

"But Edwaaaaaaaard!" Shiro whined.

"What are you trying to ask for anyway?" Amaya inquired.

"Nothing," Shiro chirped happily. "I was trying to annoy him, and he played right into my trap."

Edward's eye twitched in annoyance. He attempted to take a deep calming breath. _Keep it together Ed, the day's almost over. _

"Ah chill out big brother," Amaya said teasingly. "We're just playing around."

"Technically, he's _little_ brother," Shiro corrected.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" Edward shouted.

"Calm down," Amaya said with a bored yawn. "We weren't just referring to your um...little vertically challenged dilemma," she assured with a smirk, earning her a glare from Ed.

"Yea, we're also older than you!" Shiro chimed in.

"Older? Wait, how old are you two?" Alphonse inquired, for his brother was too preoccupied with his anger.

The girls looked at each other, not sure if it was too late to reveal this information.

At last, Amaya spoke up. "I'm uhh...nineteen."

"And I'm eighteen!" Shiro reported brightly. "But I'll be nineteen soon, too!"

"You mean to tell me that I've been followed around by a couple of old ladies?!" Edward blurted.

A very brief silence hung in the air as the girls scoffed at him. "Did he just call us old?" Amaya asked Shiro in a fairly "oh no you didn't" sort of tone.

"Edward, if you call us old one more time, I'm telling daddy!" Shiro threatened as she crossed her arms.

_They may be old_, Edward thought as his eyebrow twitched in irritation. _But that one still acts like she's five! _

_ Shing! Shing! Shing! Shing! Shing!_

Seemingly out of nowhere, the girls seemed to be surrounded by five black steel strips that cut straight into the wall at their side.

Shiro reached up and plucked at one of the strips, slicing her finger open in the process. "Ow," she said flatly. "I think we're in trouble."

"Ya think so?!" Amaya shouted as she immediately recognized the strips.

The girls paled and slowly turned their heads to find three mismatched figures standing atop a nearby roof, one lean and wiry, one voluptuous and one nearly completely round.

"So, you brats foolishly decided to interfere with our plans?" a spine-chillingly familiar voice rasped. "It's funny. To think that two insignificant nobodies like you would actually dare to try and take us down."

"But...we _did_ take you down that one time," Shiro pointed out innocently.

Envy growled.

Lust pulled her claws from the wall and curled them threateningly as Shiro and Amaya scrambled out of their grasp. "Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much, Envy?" Lust said in her indifferent breathy voice.

"Enough of this!" Envy shouted. "We came to kill them, and that's what we're gonna _do_!" He launched himself high into the air on that last word, sending him crashing to the ground a few tense heartbeats later. Though the impact did not cause him to falter one bit.

Lust and Gluttony follow suit, positioned and ready to fight as soon as their feet hit the ground.

Edward transmuted a blade from his right arm, Ling drew his sword and Al raised his fists. All three of them stepped protectively in front of the two girls. "Shiro, Amaya," Edward said cautiously as he stared the three homonculi down. "Go back to the hotel. Now. You'll be safer there. We can hold them off."

Incredulously, Shiro turned to Amaya and practically yelled, "Did he just say what I think he said?!"

"Oh, I think he said what you think he said," Amaya replied as she drew her sword.

"Aw hell naw!" Shiro rebuked, wagging her finger in Ed's face.

This earned a sweatdrop from everyone, including the homonculi.

"We've fought one of them before!" Amaya pointed out. "...sort of."

"Yea, and that was when we had _no_ skill!" Shiro argued even further. She turned to Envy and said, "Dude, you got owned by teenagers with no skill. You're pathetic!"

A massive vein ticked in Envy's forehead. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shouted furiously as he charged for the smart-mouthed girl. But in mid-flight, his head suddenly turned back a full one hundred and eighty degrees, a sickening snapping noise could be heard from his neck.

Shiro produced the Envy plushie from her coat as he screamed in agony. She then took out a knife and proceeded to stab the doll several times. The enchantments that had been placed upon the doll allowed it to knit back together even when it had been reduced to shreds. Then the process started all over again.

Lust and Gluttony charged for the rest of the group as Envy was continuously mutilated on the ground. Gluttony's tongue flapped to the side of his head as he headed straight for Amaya, thinking her an easy meal. In one hard, desperate swing, Amaya managed to slice a deep line across his face, causing the entire upper part of his head to flop backwards, just barely hanging on by a tread of skin. But it was only seconds before his head morphed back into the proper shape. Amaya had attempted to get away in this time, but only managed to back herself into the wall. _Aaaand I'm fucked_, she thought.

But a split second before Gluttony could swallow her up, Alphonse rushed in from the side and tackled the grotesque homunculus to the ground. Amaya decided she would save her gratitude for later, during a less dangerous time. She looked down at her sword, it was a great weapon, but it seemed so utterly useless right now._ Cutting them apart can only do so much for so long_, she thought. But then an idea came to light. It was risky, but it was better than standing around and waiting for herself to get killed. She looked around to the others, trusting that they could hold off the homunculi long enough, then she kneeled down, produced a piece of chalk from her pocket and frantically but carefully began drawing a transmutation circle.

Shiro, who had grown bored of mutilating the Envy doll, pulled out her newly woven gloves. She secured the Envy doll in place by sticking it with a dagger into the cobblestone. She eyed Lust as she pulled on her gloves, waiting for an opening to attack. When at last the long, deadly blades were enough out of reach, Shiro charged forward. With the help of Ed and Ling keeping Lust's claws at bay, Shiro managed to land a solid punch in her sternum, sending the homunculus reeling back.

With one quick, final stroke of the chalk, Amaya finished her transmutation circle. _I _really_ hope I don't fuck this up. _"Everyone stand back!" she shouted above the ruckus.

Shiro immediately jumped back about ten feet, holding her arms up defensively. Alphonse hesitated, but reluctantly obeyed. Ed and Ling however naturally kept fighting, not yet seeming to have enough faith in the purple-haired girl. "Really?!" Shiro screeched in exasperation. In a hurry, Shiro grabbed Ling by his ponytail and Ed by his braid and jerked them both back.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Edward shouted.

"CAN'T YOU SEE SHE'S ABOUT TO TRANSMUTE SOMETHING?!" Shiro argued.

"BUT SHE'S NOT SKILLED ENOUGH YET!"

"I'm sure she can do _something_!" Shiro insisted quietly but more firmly this time. She lowered her voice even further and said, "...Besides, if she _does_ fail, I don't wanna be caught in the crossfire."

Amaya glared indignantly at Edward. But she ignored her anger for the time being as she at last slammed her hands down onto the completed circle. The chalk lines became blazing streaks of yellow light, the stone within the circle seemed to bubble up from the ground. For a moment, it seemed as though the transmutation would result in nothing more than a bump in the alleyway. But then, two thick columns of stone shot up from the ground, the shape of a giant fist sculpted onto each end. The stone fists went up about twenty feet in the air before arching back down again, right on top of the two remaining homonculi, pinning them down with such force that they each coughed up a gout of blood.

"They're down! Let's go!" Edward yelled urgently.

The group of five bolted away even as the homonculi slowly began to struggle free of their traps. Shiro stopped only for a moment to pull her Envy voodoo doll up from the ground. They all managed to make it back to the hotel in one piece without being followed by the homonculi.

Amaya slumped exhaustively against the wall as soon as she made it through the door. The transmutation and that run afterwords had stolen every last ounce of her strength for the day.

"You okay?" Shiro inquired as she poked her friend in the face.

"I'm fine," Amaya groaned, barely having enough energy to slap Shiro's hand away.

"Heh...we were lucky to escape with our lives today, huh?" Ling asked, trying to sound cheerful about it.

_Lucky indeed,_ Edward mentally agreed. He fixated a hard stare on the two girls.

"...Why are you looking at us like that?" Shiro asked trepidatiously.

"I was an idiot to think that they wouldn't try to come after you, too," Edward said in a grave tone.

"That still doesn't explain why you're looking at us like that!" Shiro exclaimed frantically.

"Don't you get it? At this rate, you're both gonna die! You two need to get somewhere safer. Now!" Edward insisted.

"...What do you mean?" Shiro asked again, knowingly prolonging the truth.

"I mean out of Central, and away from us!" he declared almost harshly. Edward paused, trying to calm himself a bit. His voice became a bit softer as he said, "Go to Winry in Risembool and tell her I sent you. You'll be safer living there for now."

Amaya suddenly jumped to her feet. "YOU CAN'T BE SERI-," she slumped against the wall once again, her outburst immediately becoming too much for her. "We've both been working hard with all of you so that we can learn to hold our own in a fight! And now we can!"

"Yea, because you definitely look like you could defend yourself now," Edward countered sarcastically. "You're both going to Risembool, end of discussion!"

"HELL NO!" Shiro cried, stomping her foot. "You can't just leave us somewhere whenever you feel like it!"

"It's for your own good, you idiots!" Edward shouted. "If the homunculus are after you, then you can't take any risks!"

"So basically what you're saying is, you're just going to abandon us?!" Shiro snapped.

"Yes! I mean no! I mean...damnit! I just want you both _safe_!" Edward retorted.

Shiro snarled in irritation. "Ling, back me up here!"

Ling was silent for a moment. But then he said five words that Shiro never expected to hear from him, "Actually, I agree with Edward."

"...I'm never speaking to you again," Shiro deadpanned.

Ling practically turned to stone and crumbled before everyone's eyes.

Amaya forced herself to stand and looked at the younger Elric brother. "Al, what do you have to say about all this?"

Again, the room was silent for a moment as Al pondered his answer. He soon decided that there was no way he could choose his words carefully enough at the moment. So instead, he simply suggested, "Maybe we should all sleep on it. It's... been a bit of a long day after all."

"...Fine," Shiro huffed as she trudged towards her and Amaya's room. "Al, carry Amaya to bed."

Amaya scoffed as she stumbled forward. "What are you talking about? I don't need to be-," she didn't get the chance to finish her sentence before her legs gave out, sending her crashing to the floor. "...Al, carry me," she mumbled.

When everyone was in their rightful room, everyone suspected that not much sleep would be had that night. Ed, Shiro and even the exhausted Amaya lie awake fuming. Ling cried in a corner whilst his servants worried about him. And Al simply wondered how everything would possibly turn out in the morning.

But then Ed broke the tense silence in the guys' room. "Al. Ling. We're getting up really early tomorrow," he stated with no room for protest.

"Shouldn't we tell them?" Ling asked, gesturing towards the girls room.

"No," Ed answered without hesitation. "They'll figure it out."

~~~~~~~~~~The next morning~~~~~~~~~~

"AMAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Shiro shouted urgently.

"GAH!" Amaya cried as she was jolted from a deep sleep. "WHAT?!"

"...Feel any better?" Shiro asked perkily.

Amaya's eye twitched in annoyance. "Yes," she answered through gritted teeth. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I was just wondering since you didn't wake up before me like usual," Shiro pointed out.

"Oh right," Amaya said groggily as she sat up. "That transmutation must have taken more out of me than I thought."

"Yea...," Shiro agreed with a nod. "By the way...THEY'RE GONE!"

Amaya cocked an eyebrow and looked at her friend in disbelief. "...Say what now? Are you sure they're not just still sleeping?"

"I'm sure! I checked! There's nothing there but a bag of money and a letter!"

"A letter?" Amaya inquired as her eyes widened. "What's it say?"

"I dunno," Shiro said with a shrug. "I was waiting for you to wake up."

"Oh... well lemme see it!"

Shiro pulled the now crumpled up letter from her pocket and smoothed it out, holding it up so that they both could read silently.

_Shiro & Amaya,_

_ You're probably really angry with all of us right now, but please at least try and understand why we had to leave. If you stay with us, it's almost certain that you'll get hurt or worse. We left you plenty of money for food and a train ride. Believe me, this is all for the best. We'll try and visit you in Risembool when we can. _

_ Ed_

The letter ripped in half as Shiro balled it up in her fists. "They. Are. So. DEAD!" she growled venomously.

Amaya snarled as she gripped the hilt of her blade, her intentions clear. "Oh they'll _wish_ they're dead when we're finished with them!"

END AUTHOR'S NOTE: Amaya: Oh no they didn't!

Shiro: Apparently yes they did... can we kill them now?

Amaya: Nope! That'll have to wait for the next chapter. Which will hopefully come out more quickly than this one.

Shiro: Oh definitely. Cause I want to say a few things to Edward...

Amaya: You and me both. Plus, we already have a little bit of it outlined. Also yea, I think Fuery is cute. Got a problem with that, _BITCH_?!

Shiro: Nope!

Amaya: Well I wasn't asking you specifically... but good!

Shiro: At least we won't have to worry about you raping Hughes anymore!

Amaya: I wouldn't do that! ...maybe. But anyway, we hope you enjoyed! Also fight scenes are fucking hard to write, so sorry if that wasn't very good.

Shiro: Read and review! ...Just be nice pwease?


End file.
